I was experiencing such a high level of anxiety recently, and as a result of the high anxiety I was crying and having trouble stringing words together to make sentences because I couldn't think. While I was dealing with that high anxiety, I said, "You know I'm not doing this on purpose, right?" In the middle of my anxiety, I felt like I had to make sure the other person knew I wasn't faking my symptoms or using my diagnosis to get out of doing something or to get my way or as an excuse to behave a certain way. I find myself explaining that I'm not faking my symptoms or using my diagnosis as an excuse a lot because I know that's what people might think. I also find myself explaining that just because I get anxious about doing something doesn't mean that I don't want to do it because that also seems to be what people think, which then also leads to wondering if I could be using my anxiety as an excuse and/or faking the symptoms because I secretly don't want to do whatever we're doing.
I know that some people have no problem faking symptoms or using a mental health condition as an excuse for a behavior or an excuse to get out of doing something. Honestly, those people make me angry. I read a personal essay circulating online about a person dealing with Pure O, like me. The writer expressly stated that they used their Pure O to get out of watching movies that they didn't want to watch. I know someone that uses a mental health condition as an excuse to unapologetically be a jerk to his girlfriend.
Mental health conditions aren't like a note from your parents that you can use to get out of PE just because you don't feel like running laps that day. Mental health conditions also aren't a sick day home from school that you can milk for all it's worth. Mental health conditions also aren't a blanket explanation for unpleasant behavior. When people treat mental health conditions like that, it sort of seems like they're just laughing at the tremendous effort it takes for someone else to manage the symptoms of the same mental health condition to appear as "normal" as possible to everyone else around them. Also, as an added bonus result of people using their mental health condition as an excuse: others (even me) are afraid to even admit they experience symptoms at the "wrong time", like in a movie theater, because friends and even family might not believe that they are actually experiencing symptoms and not just making an excuse. Oh, hello mental health stigma, my constant foe. (If you don't want to do something, just say so. You don't have to make excuses, especially not excuses that hurt other people.)
The symptoms of a mental health condition do tend to show up at the times when we least want them. I don't want to be anxious and worry about possibly having another panic attack in the movie theater every time I go, but I catch myself worrying anyway. Just because my anxiety shows up at the movies doesn't mean that I don't want to go to the movies. So, I feel like, in order to make sure no one thinks I'm milking the symptoms of Panic Disorder, I have to pretend I'm fine, even if I don't feel fine. (It's actually the worrying about experiencing the symptoms of the Panic Disorder or OCD at the worst time that can make them show up at the worst time because I'm already thinking about the symptoms so they have a way in. I know this, but I still worry about them sometimes anyway.)
I'll end with this: It's never okay to use a mental health condition as an excuse or to fake your symptoms to get your way or to get out of something. By doing that you're just contributing to the already-stifling amount of mental health stigma that makes people afraid to get help. It's totally okay to take breaks from things and to leave situations that are not good for your mental health. It's also okay to express when you experience symptoms, even in public, and to talk about what might have triggered the symptoms.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
We All Have Our Moments
If you live life with a mental health condition, then you probably know that other people, sometimes, don't handle your mental health condition very well. Sure, we already know that life with a mental health condition can be exhausting, confusing, frustrating, and too much altogether. Of course, the people that love us and deal with our mental health condition alongside us are also going to feel that same exhaustion, confusion, frustration, and overwhelming sensation of too much sometimes, too. We all have our rough days that are hard to get through.
Here's the thing, though, at least for me: If I'm already having a rough time, I'm already feeling bad because I'm having a rough time. I feel like a crazy person, and I'm probably already blaming myself for feeling like a crazy person because I know I'm being irrational, yet, I can't seem to make my anxious brain slow its roll so I can try to feel more in control of myself. Then, if someone doesn't deal with my rough day with my mental health condition with compassion, or even if they just genuinely don't get it, I feel even worse, like it's my fault they behaved in whatever way was unkind. I feel like I've just let my mental health condition get in the way, and of course, the person has a right to behave in that way because I did a wrong thing somehow while I was trying to deal with my mental health condition. Then I just want to cry about it and go into shut down mode to avoid making someone else even more frustrated or overwhelmed or confused. In other words, I internalize their negative reaction, and that's a bad thing.
Here's the thing for the other person: If someone reacts to your mental health struggle or rough day without compassion, or if they are unkind in some way, that more than likely has nothing to do with you and your mental health condition. Their negative reaction more than likely has something to do with an unrelated issue that they're dealing with like extra stress at work or in a relationship or just a bad day. The other person may not even realize that they behaved in a way that you felt was unkind because they were so wrapped up in their own issue to the point that everything else was just background noise.
It's okay, when you feel that someone hasn't been kind or compassionate when you're struggling, to feel hurt and to cry it out if you need to cry it out. It's not a good idea to shut down and shut them out because you really need all the members of your support system. You need to communicate with them. How is an issue supposed to be fixed if we don't talk it out? It's unhealthy to stay silent on an issue so that every time the issue comes up, it just adds another weight to the issue pile until it tumbles over in an argument or you lash out. It's not okay to be unkind to someone just because they may have been unkind to you.
Try to be understanding of the person. Look at their life at the moment and see if you can recognize that other things might be causing their frustration and stress. Then talk it out. Tell them that you see other things are going on, and tell them the way you have been feeling about something they may have said or done when you were having a rough time. It's okay to point out when someone does something that isn't helpful as long as it isn't in a blaming or accusing way. (Think: "I feel...when you say/do..." to come across in a way that is easy to listen to.)
I'll end with this: People aren't always going to be good at dealing with a loved one's mental health condition. People get exhausted, confused, stressed, frustrated, and overwhelmed because they're human, and sometimes they don't behave with the compassion that other people need. Even the people that we love and that love us may have a rough day in which they don't deal with us and our mental health condition in the best way, but that doesn't mean they love us less or think we're a burden. Their negative reaction had more to do with them than us, so don't internalize their reaction. Talk to them about what you need from them, about what they do that is helpful and what is unhelpful, and express when they may have hurt your feelings in a kind and non-blaming way.
Here's the thing, though, at least for me: If I'm already having a rough time, I'm already feeling bad because I'm having a rough time. I feel like a crazy person, and I'm probably already blaming myself for feeling like a crazy person because I know I'm being irrational, yet, I can't seem to make my anxious brain slow its roll so I can try to feel more in control of myself. Then, if someone doesn't deal with my rough day with my mental health condition with compassion, or even if they just genuinely don't get it, I feel even worse, like it's my fault they behaved in whatever way was unkind. I feel like I've just let my mental health condition get in the way, and of course, the person has a right to behave in that way because I did a wrong thing somehow while I was trying to deal with my mental health condition. Then I just want to cry about it and go into shut down mode to avoid making someone else even more frustrated or overwhelmed or confused. In other words, I internalize their negative reaction, and that's a bad thing.
Here's the thing for the other person: If someone reacts to your mental health struggle or rough day without compassion, or if they are unkind in some way, that more than likely has nothing to do with you and your mental health condition. Their negative reaction more than likely has something to do with an unrelated issue that they're dealing with like extra stress at work or in a relationship or just a bad day. The other person may not even realize that they behaved in a way that you felt was unkind because they were so wrapped up in their own issue to the point that everything else was just background noise.
It's okay, when you feel that someone hasn't been kind or compassionate when you're struggling, to feel hurt and to cry it out if you need to cry it out. It's not a good idea to shut down and shut them out because you really need all the members of your support system. You need to communicate with them. How is an issue supposed to be fixed if we don't talk it out? It's unhealthy to stay silent on an issue so that every time the issue comes up, it just adds another weight to the issue pile until it tumbles over in an argument or you lash out. It's not okay to be unkind to someone just because they may have been unkind to you.
Try to be understanding of the person. Look at their life at the moment and see if you can recognize that other things might be causing their frustration and stress. Then talk it out. Tell them that you see other things are going on, and tell them the way you have been feeling about something they may have said or done when you were having a rough time. It's okay to point out when someone does something that isn't helpful as long as it isn't in a blaming or accusing way. (Think: "I feel...when you say/do..." to come across in a way that is easy to listen to.)
I'll end with this: People aren't always going to be good at dealing with a loved one's mental health condition. People get exhausted, confused, stressed, frustrated, and overwhelmed because they're human, and sometimes they don't behave with the compassion that other people need. Even the people that we love and that love us may have a rough day in which they don't deal with us and our mental health condition in the best way, but that doesn't mean they love us less or think we're a burden. Their negative reaction had more to do with them than us, so don't internalize their reaction. Talk to them about what you need from them, about what they do that is helpful and what is unhelpful, and express when they may have hurt your feelings in a kind and non-blaming way.
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Don't Beat Yourself Up
I recently had an issue dealing with my intense fear of falling down stairs. Even though I have been going up and down those same stairs every week for over a year, I suddenly realized just how high up I was on those stairs, and I felt myself teetering on the edge up there. There was no hand rail on the stairs to make sure I kept my balance. I panicked. I froze (literally unable to make myself move even though my brain knew I needed to move), and then once I could move, I just sat down right on the stairs. I eventually made it down the stairs, but by the time I got to the bottom, my hands were shaking more than they ever shook from an exposure exercise.
Once I got to the bottom, and I was safely on the ground, I tried to put on a brave face. I tried to laugh off my "silly" fear of falling down the stairs. I was actually mortified. Instead of feeling like I might cry out of fear, I felt like I could cry from embarrassment. I HATED that I had let my fear get the best of me, especially a fear of something like falling down a flight of stairs. To me, that fear made me feel like a little kid instead of a 26-year-old adult. What adult is so terrified of falling down a perfectly sound staircase that they can't do anything but sit down? I hadn't heard of any. My incident with the stairs felt shameful, like such a wrong thing for me to have trouble with. Also, because my therapist was there to witness the shameful event, I felt super awkward in front of her right after. I wanted to run away and hide.
Before I even made it to the lobby of my therapist's office, I was already beating myself up for the incident on the stairs. My therapist stopped me at the door, and she asked if I was okay. I told her how embarrassed I felt and how I thought the fear of falling down stairs was a stupid thing to be afraid of. She just told me that everybody has some odd fear, and that's just one of the things that we have that makes us all human.
I told her I didn't like it. She told me that I shouldn't beat myself up about having a fear of falling down the stairs or the incident that I had on the stairs leading to her office. She went on to tell me that beating myself up and making myself feel bad about it was only going to make the feeling stick around longer. She said I didn't have to like that detail about myself, but that accepting that I have this odd fear because I'm only human would be the best way to work through it.
This stairs incident wasn't the first time I've beat myself up over something that I can't help. I used to do it with my anxiety, especially the anxiety that hits me in crowded places. I wouldn't like it, and I would think it was the wrong thing to feel at the time. Then I would beat myself up, and the embarrassment would hang around for the entire social encounter. My therapist told me then to not beat myself up and to accept that anxiety happens, just like my weird fear happens, because I'm human.
I still have a bit of trouble coming down the stairs in her office sometimes, but I haven't panicked and been unable to move anymore. I just try not to feel embarrassed or bad about myself when the fear strikes because I don't want those negative feelings to settle in. Some people are afraid of dogs. Some people are afraid of spiders. Some people are afraid of small spaces. I'm afraid of falling down stairs and suffering fatal injuries. I'm sure it's not the strangest thing I could be afraid of, really.
I'll end with this: Everybody has something about themselves that they don't like. We're all human. Everybody probably has an embarrassing fear of something. That's okay. It's NOT okay to beat yourself up about the thing that you don't like. You can accept that something exists or that something happened without liking the thing. The more you beat yourself up about something, the longer it'll hang around and make you unhappy.
Once I got to the bottom, and I was safely on the ground, I tried to put on a brave face. I tried to laugh off my "silly" fear of falling down the stairs. I was actually mortified. Instead of feeling like I might cry out of fear, I felt like I could cry from embarrassment. I HATED that I had let my fear get the best of me, especially a fear of something like falling down a flight of stairs. To me, that fear made me feel like a little kid instead of a 26-year-old adult. What adult is so terrified of falling down a perfectly sound staircase that they can't do anything but sit down? I hadn't heard of any. My incident with the stairs felt shameful, like such a wrong thing for me to have trouble with. Also, because my therapist was there to witness the shameful event, I felt super awkward in front of her right after. I wanted to run away and hide.
Before I even made it to the lobby of my therapist's office, I was already beating myself up for the incident on the stairs. My therapist stopped me at the door, and she asked if I was okay. I told her how embarrassed I felt and how I thought the fear of falling down stairs was a stupid thing to be afraid of. She just told me that everybody has some odd fear, and that's just one of the things that we have that makes us all human.
I told her I didn't like it. She told me that I shouldn't beat myself up about having a fear of falling down the stairs or the incident that I had on the stairs leading to her office. She went on to tell me that beating myself up and making myself feel bad about it was only going to make the feeling stick around longer. She said I didn't have to like that detail about myself, but that accepting that I have this odd fear because I'm only human would be the best way to work through it.
This stairs incident wasn't the first time I've beat myself up over something that I can't help. I used to do it with my anxiety, especially the anxiety that hits me in crowded places. I wouldn't like it, and I would think it was the wrong thing to feel at the time. Then I would beat myself up, and the embarrassment would hang around for the entire social encounter. My therapist told me then to not beat myself up and to accept that anxiety happens, just like my weird fear happens, because I'm human.
I still have a bit of trouble coming down the stairs in her office sometimes, but I haven't panicked and been unable to move anymore. I just try not to feel embarrassed or bad about myself when the fear strikes because I don't want those negative feelings to settle in. Some people are afraid of dogs. Some people are afraid of spiders. Some people are afraid of small spaces. I'm afraid of falling down stairs and suffering fatal injuries. I'm sure it's not the strangest thing I could be afraid of, really.
I'll end with this: Everybody has something about themselves that they don't like. We're all human. Everybody probably has an embarrassing fear of something. That's okay. It's NOT okay to beat yourself up about the thing that you don't like. You can accept that something exists or that something happened without liking the thing. The more you beat yourself up about something, the longer it'll hang around and make you unhappy.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Sorting Laundry
Sometimes I just feel too many things all at once, particularly with negative emotions. The emotions happen all at once, or so quickly that it feels like they happen all at once, and then I'm just left with this overwhelming ball of negative things. I can't even separate the feelings to figure them out most of the time. The overwhelming feelings also create more anxiety, and everything piles up. I call it emotional overload.
Prior to therapy, I could push the emotions down and bury them so I couldn't have to feel them. Since I've been in therapy and have opened myself up to my feelings, I can't just bury them anymore. I had to figure out a new way to process and deal with all my negative feelings when I experienced emotional overload recently. I didn't want to just cry about it, and after emotional overload had made it hard to sleep the night before, I was super frustrated.
As I lay there at 6:30 A.M., after only getting three hours of sleep the night before, I had tried everything. I tried deep breathing. I tried my mindfulness meditation. Nothing was really working, and more feelings and anxiety were piling up. So, I came up with what I've started to refer to as the Laundry Basket Technique.
I imagined that my emotions were all pieces of laundry that had just been dumped haphazardly into a big laundry basket. The laundry was all balled up and wrinkled. Then I imagined myself taking out the laundry in the basket (my negative feelings) one piece of laundry at a time. I would pick something out of the basket, and I would identify it (Oh, this is guilt...). I would smooth it out, and would then fold the piece of laundry and put it in the stack where it belonged. I didn't toss anything away or fight with the it. I just folded it, and I put it in its stack. I did that with each piece of laundry in the basket until the basket was empty.
The Laundry Basket Technique was effective, and I felt better. It worked because as I had to separate the laundry AKA my feelings, I could pull out one feeling at a time and recognize it. As I folded the laundry, I had to think about what about the situation brought out that feeling. Then, as I put the piece of laundry AKA the specific negative feeling that I was looking at in its stack, I allowed it to exist in a space that I made for it. When I allowed the feeling to exist, I could feel it for a bit, and then move on to the next piece of laundry. (Moving through a feeling is much easier when you don't fight the feeling.) Also, viewing the feelings as laundry allowed me to view my feelings as less intimidating things.
If you want to use a similar technique to deal with your feelings, you don't have to use the image of laundry in a laundry basket. You can come up with whatever image you need to use to make it less intimidating. The whole object is to separate all the jumbled up feelings so that you can recognize them individually and then allow each feeling to exist in a space that you create for it.
I'll end with this: It's okay to feel whatever you feel about any situation. I know that sometimes feelings, especially lots of feelings at the same time, can be scary. When lots of feelings happen at the same time, the only way to move through them and move on is to take a step back and pull all the feelings apart to deal with them one at a time. Dealing with them is always better than burying them or pretending that you don't feel them.
Prior to therapy, I could push the emotions down and bury them so I couldn't have to feel them. Since I've been in therapy and have opened myself up to my feelings, I can't just bury them anymore. I had to figure out a new way to process and deal with all my negative feelings when I experienced emotional overload recently. I didn't want to just cry about it, and after emotional overload had made it hard to sleep the night before, I was super frustrated.
As I lay there at 6:30 A.M., after only getting three hours of sleep the night before, I had tried everything. I tried deep breathing. I tried my mindfulness meditation. Nothing was really working, and more feelings and anxiety were piling up. So, I came up with what I've started to refer to as the Laundry Basket Technique.
I imagined that my emotions were all pieces of laundry that had just been dumped haphazardly into a big laundry basket. The laundry was all balled up and wrinkled. Then I imagined myself taking out the laundry in the basket (my negative feelings) one piece of laundry at a time. I would pick something out of the basket, and I would identify it (Oh, this is guilt...). I would smooth it out, and would then fold the piece of laundry and put it in the stack where it belonged. I didn't toss anything away or fight with the it. I just folded it, and I put it in its stack. I did that with each piece of laundry in the basket until the basket was empty.
The Laundry Basket Technique was effective, and I felt better. It worked because as I had to separate the laundry AKA my feelings, I could pull out one feeling at a time and recognize it. As I folded the laundry, I had to think about what about the situation brought out that feeling. Then, as I put the piece of laundry AKA the specific negative feeling that I was looking at in its stack, I allowed it to exist in a space that I made for it. When I allowed the feeling to exist, I could feel it for a bit, and then move on to the next piece of laundry. (Moving through a feeling is much easier when you don't fight the feeling.) Also, viewing the feelings as laundry allowed me to view my feelings as less intimidating things.
If you want to use a similar technique to deal with your feelings, you don't have to use the image of laundry in a laundry basket. You can come up with whatever image you need to use to make it less intimidating. The whole object is to separate all the jumbled up feelings so that you can recognize them individually and then allow each feeling to exist in a space that you create for it.
I'll end with this: It's okay to feel whatever you feel about any situation. I know that sometimes feelings, especially lots of feelings at the same time, can be scary. When lots of feelings happen at the same time, the only way to move through them and move on is to take a step back and pull all the feelings apart to deal with them one at a time. Dealing with them is always better than burying them or pretending that you don't feel them.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Self-Diagnosing Mental Health Conditions
I hear people say quite often, "I have depression." Others say, "I have anxiety." Still others say, "I've got ADHD or ADD or something." Since they openly brought up the topic of mental health, I engage in the conversation. Usually my first question is something like, "So, do you see a therapist?" Their response is something like, "Oh, no...I don't do anything like that. I haven't even talked to my doctor about it. I haven't been diagnosed, but I just know I have it."
I tend to pause when someone tells me they have a mental health condition but they've never even brought up with their doctor because I'm not entirely sure how to proceed without coming off as a mental health "snob" of sorts. I'm a little concerned and very curious as to how they have arrived at the conclusion that they have a clinical mental health condition. They usually go on to give me an explanation that boils down to something like, "I know a friend that has this disorder/I read about it online/I read a book about it, and I have some of the symptoms." Basically, the person had self-diagnosed their mental health condition.
I'm not saying that the person does or does not have the mental health condition that they have self-diagnosed. I'm saying that self-diagnosis is not the same as a clinical diagnosis. I'm also saying that self-diagnosing yourself with any condition, whether it's a mental health condition or a physical health condition, is NEVER a good idea. Self-diagnosis is subjective, unreliable, and a lot of times self-diagnosis is inaccurate, even if you've done a lot of research (and even if you have a psychology degree). It takes years of clinical training (and the proper credentials) to be able to accurately diagnose a mental health condition. Also keep in mind that some other health conditions (a thyroid issue or an autoimmune disorder) may cause symptoms of a mental health condition, which is another reason that you shouldn't self-diagnose.
I've been down this road. I left Psych 102 pretty sure I had Schizophrenia because the symptoms I experienced as part of Pure O sounded awfully similar to some of the symptoms of Schizophrenia. I was wrong. The terror really set in at that point that if I ever told even a trained professional what was wrong they would lock me up in an in-patient residential facility, and so I didn't tell a soul for five years after that.
It's super easy to see a list of symptoms and to think about times in your life when you definitely experienced something similar. Maybe you got halfway to work, and you suddenly wondered if you left the stove on, so you had to turn around to go check. Maybe a whole list of things have gone wrong for you lately, and one day, you just don't even feel motivated to get out of bed, and so you stay in bed for the day. Maybe you have a whole lot of energy one day, and you bounce around from task to task or conversation topic to conversation topic so that other people can't keep up with you. All of these things are listed as the symptoms of one mental health condition or another, but just because you experience these things sometimes does not mean you have that mental health condition.
Don't self-diagnose yourself based on some vague and, more than likely, inadequate information that you gather from friends, from a book, or online. It's like going on WebMD. You go there to get an idea about why you're breaking out in a weird rash, and you exit your browser pretty sure you're going to die of the plague. You're terrified. You go to the doctor, and they tell you that you're having an allergic to the cream you put on a mosquito bite. So, you realize that self-diagnosing your condition was a ridiculous thing to do. It would have saved so much effort and fear on your part if you would have gone to the doctor in the first place instead of putting your life in the hands of a website that can't see you or listen to you.
It's never a good idea to just take your chances with unreliable sources when your health and well-being are at stake. Before you start thinking you have a mental health condition, and especially before you try any medications, please, go to an actual mental health professional. An untreated mental health condition or trying the wrong medication based on what you think you're dealing with can have disastrous consequences. (I also went down that road when I tried the wrong medication for my condition after a misdiagnosis, and I feel lucky to have survived those five agonizing days.)
So, when should you say that you have a mental health condition? When you see a doctor and they run all the necessary tests to make sure that another physical health condition isn't to blame, and then they tell you bluntly that they think you have a mental health condition. It's okay to recognize that something has changed with your mental health, and to then do some research on mental health conditions. It's even okay to take that research in with you to your doctor to show them what you were thinking. (I did that, and that's how we found out I have Pure O in addition to Panic Disorder.) Just talk to a medical and/or mental health professional first before you run with some information that "proves" you have a mental health condition.
I'll end with this: If you notice something about your mental health has changed, please, go to your doctor to rule out any other health issues, and then go to a mental health professional. Don't just look something up online and go with that because it SEEMS accurate. Also, don't assume any behavior is a symptom of a mental health condition unless that behavior causes you significant distress or someone close to you that you trust suggests that a behavior may be cause for concern.
I tend to pause when someone tells me they have a mental health condition but they've never even brought up with their doctor because I'm not entirely sure how to proceed without coming off as a mental health "snob" of sorts. I'm a little concerned and very curious as to how they have arrived at the conclusion that they have a clinical mental health condition. They usually go on to give me an explanation that boils down to something like, "I know a friend that has this disorder/I read about it online/I read a book about it, and I have some of the symptoms." Basically, the person had self-diagnosed their mental health condition.
I'm not saying that the person does or does not have the mental health condition that they have self-diagnosed. I'm saying that self-diagnosis is not the same as a clinical diagnosis. I'm also saying that self-diagnosing yourself with any condition, whether it's a mental health condition or a physical health condition, is NEVER a good idea. Self-diagnosis is subjective, unreliable, and a lot of times self-diagnosis is inaccurate, even if you've done a lot of research (and even if you have a psychology degree). It takes years of clinical training (and the proper credentials) to be able to accurately diagnose a mental health condition. Also keep in mind that some other health conditions (a thyroid issue or an autoimmune disorder) may cause symptoms of a mental health condition, which is another reason that you shouldn't self-diagnose.
I've been down this road. I left Psych 102 pretty sure I had Schizophrenia because the symptoms I experienced as part of Pure O sounded awfully similar to some of the symptoms of Schizophrenia. I was wrong. The terror really set in at that point that if I ever told even a trained professional what was wrong they would lock me up in an in-patient residential facility, and so I didn't tell a soul for five years after that.
It's super easy to see a list of symptoms and to think about times in your life when you definitely experienced something similar. Maybe you got halfway to work, and you suddenly wondered if you left the stove on, so you had to turn around to go check. Maybe a whole list of things have gone wrong for you lately, and one day, you just don't even feel motivated to get out of bed, and so you stay in bed for the day. Maybe you have a whole lot of energy one day, and you bounce around from task to task or conversation topic to conversation topic so that other people can't keep up with you. All of these things are listed as the symptoms of one mental health condition or another, but just because you experience these things sometimes does not mean you have that mental health condition.
Don't self-diagnose yourself based on some vague and, more than likely, inadequate information that you gather from friends, from a book, or online. It's like going on WebMD. You go there to get an idea about why you're breaking out in a weird rash, and you exit your browser pretty sure you're going to die of the plague. You're terrified. You go to the doctor, and they tell you that you're having an allergic to the cream you put on a mosquito bite. So, you realize that self-diagnosing your condition was a ridiculous thing to do. It would have saved so much effort and fear on your part if you would have gone to the doctor in the first place instead of putting your life in the hands of a website that can't see you or listen to you.
It's never a good idea to just take your chances with unreliable sources when your health and well-being are at stake. Before you start thinking you have a mental health condition, and especially before you try any medications, please, go to an actual mental health professional. An untreated mental health condition or trying the wrong medication based on what you think you're dealing with can have disastrous consequences. (I also went down that road when I tried the wrong medication for my condition after a misdiagnosis, and I feel lucky to have survived those five agonizing days.)
So, when should you say that you have a mental health condition? When you see a doctor and they run all the necessary tests to make sure that another physical health condition isn't to blame, and then they tell you bluntly that they think you have a mental health condition. It's okay to recognize that something has changed with your mental health, and to then do some research on mental health conditions. It's even okay to take that research in with you to your doctor to show them what you were thinking. (I did that, and that's how we found out I have Pure O in addition to Panic Disorder.) Just talk to a medical and/or mental health professional first before you run with some information that "proves" you have a mental health condition.
I'll end with this: If you notice something about your mental health has changed, please, go to your doctor to rule out any other health issues, and then go to a mental health professional. Don't just look something up online and go with that because it SEEMS accurate. Also, don't assume any behavior is a symptom of a mental health condition unless that behavior causes you significant distress or someone close to you that you trust suggests that a behavior may be cause for concern.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
In the Old Days
"Back in the old days nobody had mental health problems," some "friend" or even a complete stranger will sometimes say when they hear someone say that they live with depression, an anxiety disorder, schizophrenia, or even PTSD. That statement is usually followed by something like, "Nobody back then had anything like that, so it's not a real illness. It's a modern made up thing for people that are lazy/too sensitive/weak."
I read mental health articles and sometimes other mental health blogs online, and in almost every comment section, I see something like the above mentioned statements. Most recently, a dear friend of mine told me that someone actually said something similar to the above mentioned statements to her. Every time I see or hear something like that, I am filled with this Hulk-like rage, and as my blood boils, I want to go on an educational rampage (okay...and maybe I want to punch the person in the face, but I wouldn't actually do that. They can't learn with a busted up face...)
The idea that mental health conditions didn't exist throughout history is simply incorrect. Mental health conditions have existed since humans have existed. Our scientific knowledge has only recently become advanced enough to allow doctors to recognize mental health conditions for what they truly are (an unwell brain) instead of seeing them for what they aren't (demonic possession, witchcraft, punishment from an angry god, or cowardice).
As far back as the ancient Greeks, research has shown the existence of mental health conditions. Back then, it was thought to be one of the four bodily humors out of balance (blood, phlegm, yellow bile, or black bile). Some people were bled or given strange concoctions to treat the out of balance humor, which didn't actually help.
The Salem Witch trials were brought about because some women and men behaved in ways that didn't fit with the societal definition of "normal" behavior. Some of these "witches" were more than likely suffering with some mental health condition. They were branded a witch or someone possessed by the devil or some other demon. (Others had some physical deformity or something non-mental health-related.) Treatment included prayer and other religious practices, but you can't pray away a mental health condition. Then they were exorcised and/or burned at the stake.
Then asylums sprang up all over the place. People that behaved strangely, exhibited criminal behavior, or even "hysterical" or headstrong housewives were packed off into these asylums where they were often chained to walls, strapped to beds, and generally kept out of society.
During World War I, it was noticed that soldiers exposed to the traumas of war behaved strangely. Some even tried to run away from military service. Many were executed by firing squad for cowardice. They had Shell Shock, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, as it's known today. These men weren't weak. Would you be completely fine if you saw someone take a bayonet to the face, heard their blood-curdling scream, and then had to yank your weapon out of their face and go on to the next guy? Or do you think something like that might give you nightmares and maybe make you shake uncontrollably every time you had to pick up your weapon? Those soldiers weren't cowards, they had just endured the stress and trauma of war, and it had wreaked havoc on their brains.
Mental health conditions aren't recent made up explanations for why a person is lazy, too sensitive, or weak. Mental health conditions are real medical conditions caused by a brain that is unhealthy. Why didn't people recognize this earlier, you ask. Science. Science hadn't advanced enough until recent history to recognize mental health conditions, but that doesn't mean they are any less real than cancer or diabetes.
If the person still doesn't think mental health conditions are real because "Science can't just do..." Kindly remind them that the Earth is no longer thought to be flat, that Pluto is no longer considered a planet, and that smoking cigarettes is now known to cause cancer thanks to new scientific knowledge. Science changes things, and scientists and doctors make new discoveries all the time. Recognizing and treating mental health conditions is no exception. Science debunked your "in the old days" argument.
I'll end with this: The argument that mental health conditions didn't exist back in the old days is not a valid argument. Are you also going to argue that the Earth is flat based on the biblical phrase "at the four corners of the Earth", or that Pluto is still a planet? You wouldn't tell someone with diabetes that diabetes wasn't real because it wasn't recognized in the Middle Ages, would you? If you wouldn't argue about those scientific advances, why is mental health any different? Stop and ask yourself why you view mental health conditions so differently. The answer is simple: stigma and inadequate information. Please, do some research, ask some questions, before you make something that someone struggles with every day seem like nothing.
I read mental health articles and sometimes other mental health blogs online, and in almost every comment section, I see something like the above mentioned statements. Most recently, a dear friend of mine told me that someone actually said something similar to the above mentioned statements to her. Every time I see or hear something like that, I am filled with this Hulk-like rage, and as my blood boils, I want to go on an educational rampage (okay...and maybe I want to punch the person in the face, but I wouldn't actually do that. They can't learn with a busted up face...)
The idea that mental health conditions didn't exist throughout history is simply incorrect. Mental health conditions have existed since humans have existed. Our scientific knowledge has only recently become advanced enough to allow doctors to recognize mental health conditions for what they truly are (an unwell brain) instead of seeing them for what they aren't (demonic possession, witchcraft, punishment from an angry god, or cowardice).
As far back as the ancient Greeks, research has shown the existence of mental health conditions. Back then, it was thought to be one of the four bodily humors out of balance (blood, phlegm, yellow bile, or black bile). Some people were bled or given strange concoctions to treat the out of balance humor, which didn't actually help.
The Salem Witch trials were brought about because some women and men behaved in ways that didn't fit with the societal definition of "normal" behavior. Some of these "witches" were more than likely suffering with some mental health condition. They were branded a witch or someone possessed by the devil or some other demon. (Others had some physical deformity or something non-mental health-related.) Treatment included prayer and other religious practices, but you can't pray away a mental health condition. Then they were exorcised and/or burned at the stake.
Then asylums sprang up all over the place. People that behaved strangely, exhibited criminal behavior, or even "hysterical" or headstrong housewives were packed off into these asylums where they were often chained to walls, strapped to beds, and generally kept out of society.
During World War I, it was noticed that soldiers exposed to the traumas of war behaved strangely. Some even tried to run away from military service. Many were executed by firing squad for cowardice. They had Shell Shock, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, as it's known today. These men weren't weak. Would you be completely fine if you saw someone take a bayonet to the face, heard their blood-curdling scream, and then had to yank your weapon out of their face and go on to the next guy? Or do you think something like that might give you nightmares and maybe make you shake uncontrollably every time you had to pick up your weapon? Those soldiers weren't cowards, they had just endured the stress and trauma of war, and it had wreaked havoc on their brains.
Mental health conditions aren't recent made up explanations for why a person is lazy, too sensitive, or weak. Mental health conditions are real medical conditions caused by a brain that is unhealthy. Why didn't people recognize this earlier, you ask. Science. Science hadn't advanced enough until recent history to recognize mental health conditions, but that doesn't mean they are any less real than cancer or diabetes.
If the person still doesn't think mental health conditions are real because "Science can't just do..." Kindly remind them that the Earth is no longer thought to be flat, that Pluto is no longer considered a planet, and that smoking cigarettes is now known to cause cancer thanks to new scientific knowledge. Science changes things, and scientists and doctors make new discoveries all the time. Recognizing and treating mental health conditions is no exception. Science debunked your "in the old days" argument.
I'll end with this: The argument that mental health conditions didn't exist back in the old days is not a valid argument. Are you also going to argue that the Earth is flat based on the biblical phrase "at the four corners of the Earth", or that Pluto is still a planet? You wouldn't tell someone with diabetes that diabetes wasn't real because it wasn't recognized in the Middle Ages, would you? If you wouldn't argue about those scientific advances, why is mental health any different? Stop and ask yourself why you view mental health conditions so differently. The answer is simple: stigma and inadequate information. Please, do some research, ask some questions, before you make something that someone struggles with every day seem like nothing.
For more information: If you don't want to just Google questions.
1.
http://nobaproject.com/modules/history-of-mental-illness
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
The Other Side of the Couch
I studied Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder along with other Anxiety Disorders in college as a psychology major, and I even did a whole lot of research on OCD before and after my diagnosis. I read case study after case study on Primarily Obsessional Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, too because there isn't an extensive amount of research on that subtype of OCD as of early 2017. I had all this knowledge in my brain about OCD, Anxiety, along with how they worked and how to treat them. I had even grown up seeing mental health conditions first hand because I had one parent with an anxiety disorder and one parent with Bipolar Disorder.
In other words, I thought I knew enough about Anxiety Disorders and mental health in general to understand them. I thought I had enough information so that I could deal with mental health, so that I would know if I ever started to experience a problem and what to do about it. I thought I knew enough and had studied enough so that I would recognize Anxiety in whatever form I encountered it and I would be able to show it who was the boss of my mind without the aid of medications or a therapist. I thought I would be the one in the therapist's chair if I ever dealt with the mental health field, helping someone on the couch. I thought I knew enough about Anxiety and mental health and treatment so that I would be safe, so that I would never be on the client/patient side of the relationship.
I got served up a heaping helping of truth when I started experiencing severe Pure OCD and Panic Disorder. Living with my mental health condition is nothing (NOTHING!) like what I thought I knew it was during all my studying. My home life, my education, my research, none of that prepared me for dealing with my diagnosis and finding myself on the other side of the couch than I intended. I was just as lost, terrified, and confused as if I had no educational background in psychology, and it was a hard realization for me when knowledge didn't save me from getting so lost in OCD and Panic Disorder. (I often still say to my therapist, "I thought I'd be on the other side of the couch where you are in this scenario." To which she replies, "What do you think is wrong with your side of the couch?")
My point is that no matter what you know about mental health conditions, what you've seen in friends and family, it's nothing like when you find yourself on the client/patient side of the couch. Objectively, I know the symptoms of Anxiety Disorders and other mental health conditions, and I can recognize them when other people exhibit those symptoms. When I'm anxious and in the OCD spiral, every thought that I recognize in someone else as an OCD symptom is not an OCD symptom to me. Every breath that gets stuck in my lungs, every intrusive thought that shoots around my mind like a pinball feels so real and so true and so terrifying that I can't see past the fear and anxiety to recognize that it's all a symptom of my mental health condition. I can't be my own therapist and my own client at the same time.
I read all the time that this is common thinking among people that have never had to deal with a mental health condition. Those people tend to not understand, and they think that people with mental health conditions can recognize their own symptoms because they can objectively recognize them. Then they think the other person could talk their way down from a panic or out of a spiral, because they believe they would be able to do that if they were in their shoes (because mental health conditions are often irrational and people are good at spotting irrational thinking in other people and sometimes in themselves). While we, the people with the mental health conditions, feel like they just don't understand because they've never been there.
Prior to dealing first-hand with my own mental health condition, I thought the same way. I didn't understand how a person with OCD or some other Anxiety Disorder couldn't recognize their own irrational thinking and then take steps to counter that anxiety. It seemed like a simple thing to do, and I didn't understand why it would take 2 years to treat OCD once someone recognized the problem.
Then I found myself on the other side of the couch, going to sessions, crying my eyes out because even though I recognized that my fear of, say, losing control while I was alone and putting my hand on a red-hot stovetop burner on purpose to harm myself, was irrational, I couldn't be sure that it wasn't something I would actually do. I know that was irrational, but I also didn't REALLY know that while it was happening. I couldn't even see that it was just my OCD cranked up to full volume, even though if I could have been objective, I would have realized that.
I quickly understood that I really didn't have any idea about mental health conditions, even though I thought I knew so much. I understood then that personally dealing with a brain that is unwell is not the same as objectively seeing an unwell brain and learning about it. I realized that learning all about something didn't necessarily prepare me to experience it.
I'll end with this: Finding yourself or someone you care about on the client/patient side of the couch is never an easy journey. Everything you think you might have known about mental health conditions and/or treatments ends up being only the tip of a very large, very jagged iceberg. You may be so sure that you understand it all before you hit the client side of the couch, but I can assure you that, unless you are a trained mental health professional with counseling experience, you only have a vague idea. It's a great idea and it's helpful to learn all you can about any mental health condition, but also keep in mind that objectively knowing information about a condition is NEVER the same as experiencing the condition.
In other words, I thought I knew enough about Anxiety Disorders and mental health in general to understand them. I thought I had enough information so that I could deal with mental health, so that I would know if I ever started to experience a problem and what to do about it. I thought I knew enough and had studied enough so that I would recognize Anxiety in whatever form I encountered it and I would be able to show it who was the boss of my mind without the aid of medications or a therapist. I thought I would be the one in the therapist's chair if I ever dealt with the mental health field, helping someone on the couch. I thought I knew enough about Anxiety and mental health and treatment so that I would be safe, so that I would never be on the client/patient side of the relationship.
I got served up a heaping helping of truth when I started experiencing severe Pure OCD and Panic Disorder. Living with my mental health condition is nothing (NOTHING!) like what I thought I knew it was during all my studying. My home life, my education, my research, none of that prepared me for dealing with my diagnosis and finding myself on the other side of the couch than I intended. I was just as lost, terrified, and confused as if I had no educational background in psychology, and it was a hard realization for me when knowledge didn't save me from getting so lost in OCD and Panic Disorder. (I often still say to my therapist, "I thought I'd be on the other side of the couch where you are in this scenario." To which she replies, "What do you think is wrong with your side of the couch?")
My point is that no matter what you know about mental health conditions, what you've seen in friends and family, it's nothing like when you find yourself on the client/patient side of the couch. Objectively, I know the symptoms of Anxiety Disorders and other mental health conditions, and I can recognize them when other people exhibit those symptoms. When I'm anxious and in the OCD spiral, every thought that I recognize in someone else as an OCD symptom is not an OCD symptom to me. Every breath that gets stuck in my lungs, every intrusive thought that shoots around my mind like a pinball feels so real and so true and so terrifying that I can't see past the fear and anxiety to recognize that it's all a symptom of my mental health condition. I can't be my own therapist and my own client at the same time.
I read all the time that this is common thinking among people that have never had to deal with a mental health condition. Those people tend to not understand, and they think that people with mental health conditions can recognize their own symptoms because they can objectively recognize them. Then they think the other person could talk their way down from a panic or out of a spiral, because they believe they would be able to do that if they were in their shoes (because mental health conditions are often irrational and people are good at spotting irrational thinking in other people and sometimes in themselves). While we, the people with the mental health conditions, feel like they just don't understand because they've never been there.
Prior to dealing first-hand with my own mental health condition, I thought the same way. I didn't understand how a person with OCD or some other Anxiety Disorder couldn't recognize their own irrational thinking and then take steps to counter that anxiety. It seemed like a simple thing to do, and I didn't understand why it would take 2 years to treat OCD once someone recognized the problem.
Then I found myself on the other side of the couch, going to sessions, crying my eyes out because even though I recognized that my fear of, say, losing control while I was alone and putting my hand on a red-hot stovetop burner on purpose to harm myself, was irrational, I couldn't be sure that it wasn't something I would actually do. I know that was irrational, but I also didn't REALLY know that while it was happening. I couldn't even see that it was just my OCD cranked up to full volume, even though if I could have been objective, I would have realized that.
I quickly understood that I really didn't have any idea about mental health conditions, even though I thought I knew so much. I understood then that personally dealing with a brain that is unwell is not the same as objectively seeing an unwell brain and learning about it. I realized that learning all about something didn't necessarily prepare me to experience it.
I'll end with this: Finding yourself or someone you care about on the client/patient side of the couch is never an easy journey. Everything you think you might have known about mental health conditions and/or treatments ends up being only the tip of a very large, very jagged iceberg. You may be so sure that you understand it all before you hit the client side of the couch, but I can assure you that, unless you are a trained mental health professional with counseling experience, you only have a vague idea. It's a great idea and it's helpful to learn all you can about any mental health condition, but also keep in mind that objectively knowing information about a condition is NEVER the same as experiencing the condition.
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