Not "Damaged" Enough

     I started going to therapy because I couldn't go a day without having a panic attack. My anxiety had gotten to the point that it interfered with my ability to function on a daily basis, and so my primary care nurse practitioner suggested that I try mental health counseling. Fast forward to today, and I'm in a much different place. My anxiety no longer interferes with my ability to function, and I haven't had a panic attack in (possibly) close to a year. In other words, I no longer seem "damaged enough" to need weekly (or bi-weekly) therapy anymore, but I still go to my appointments.
     My mom recently met someone at work who's story feels similar to mine. This person deals with anxiety on a daily basis and has often-occurring panic attacks to the point that the person's primary care doctor put them on anti-anxiety medication. (They were actively having a panic attack at work when my mom met them. It's actually WHY she met them. She wanted to help.) When my mom asked them about therapy, they told her they had tried to get therapy, but the provider told them they were "not damaged enough for therapy". So, they never tried to seek therapy again, despite the anxiety and panic attacks that still continue to interrupt their life.
     There is this idea of what people need to be like before they're "allowed" to justifiably seek mental health counseling. You know, they need to be suicidal or they need to be literally unable to function in their day-to-day life. Or, they needed to have had a really traumatic event happen to them, like surviving a war, domestic and/or sexual violence, or some other terrible thing that really "damaged" them. Society needs to be able to objectively see that someone is  unarguably "damaged" before therapy is necessary. In other words, society tells us that therapy is only meant to be used as a last resort to help someone survive instead of a resource to help someone thrive.
     That's completely the wrong idea to have about therapy. Therapy isn't meant to be a last resort. Therapy is actually meant to be a resource to help everyone thrive. I honestly believe that a yearly mental health check-up should be a common part of the usual yearly check-up list. Nothing has to be "wrong" with anyone for them to go get a yearly physical or to go get their eyes checked every year. So, nothing has to be wrong for someone to make an appointment with a therapist every year or every six months for a brain check-up.
     Thriving instead of just surviving is so important. The first minute that you start to notice something feels "off" or that your thinking has shifted to a place that you don't like, go ahead and call a therapist. Nobody else has to tell you that you're "damaged" or that you need help before you're allowed to go and get it. You can do that as soon as you feel like you need it because you know yourself better than anyone else. You don't have to wait until you're barely functioning to go talk to someone. Again, therapy is a resource, not a last resort.
     Therapy can also help with stress management. (Even happy changes and events can be stressful, friends.) Therapy can help you be a more effective communicator or a more effective boss for your employees. You can also go to therapy to learn about and understand yourself as part of an adventure in  personal growth.
     I'll end with this: Society tells us that therapy should only be used as a last resort to help us survive, that we must be "damaged enough" and at our breaking point before we seek help. That is the wrong way to think about it. Therapy is a resource that is meant to help us thrive as well as survive. Therapy is a great way to start a journey of introspection and personal growth as well as a treatment for mental health conditions.

Maintaining Mental Health in Isolation

     Things feel weird, to say the least, right now. To some of us, myself included, things may even feel terrifying because of all the uncertainty. On top of the threat of illness, we're being told to self-quarantine or self-isolate, and businesses are being told to change the way they operate as the world deals with the spread of this illness. People are likening this global event to dystopian novels, and people in my area of the US are even likening it to the biblical "end times".

     If you're like me, a peron who thrives on routine and planning and certainty, these changes to the normal patterns of our lives are enough to heighten anxiety or possibly cause panic. (Never mind the fact that my OCD mainly focuses on religious obsessions, and that feeling alone and isolating can actually make it easier for my anxiety to spiral.)

     In times like these, with all the panic, the unpleasant parts of humanity on full display, and the constant worry of contracting physical illness, it's super easy to let our mental health end up on the back burner. That's exactly the opposite of what needs to happen, though. In times like these, our mental health efforts need to be ramped up, and we need to check in with ourselves more often as we navigate through the uncertainty. 

     I know a lot of non-essential health services are currently suspending office hours. That may mean your therapist (if you have one) isn't in the office. Or maybe, you're afraid to go out to go to the appointment with your therapist, which is completely understandable. That doesn't mean you have to cancel your appointment, though. Right now, my therapist has switched to phone or FaceTime sessions, and it's worth a shot to ask your therapist if you can do the same if you're too afraid to go to the office. Also, don't be afraid to call your therapist between appointments if you feel like you need extra help.

     If you don't have access to a therapist, I encourage you to look into the apps you can download on your phone to help manage anxiety as well as other mental health conditions. You can also text or call crisis centers and hotlines, and someone there will be able to talk to you.

     If you're like me and you need to exercise to help keep your mental health condition under control, you don't have to miss the exercise because you can't go to the gym. I find that walking for at least twenty minutes really helps my anxiety stay at a manageable level. If you don't have a treadmill, walking around your bedroom or around your house works. (I do this.) Body weight exercises are also a good option if you can't go to the gym and don't have equipment at home (think push-ups, lunges, squats. Yoga, Pilates, or Barr exercises are also a good way to get anxious energy out that you can do at home.).

     Self-care is so important for our physical and mental health right now. It's okay to take it a little easier on yourself  and to add more soothing activities if you need them while we're self-isolating. Take the bubble bath. Watch your favorite movie. Eat the comfort food. Take a nap. Meditate. Spend more time talking on the phone or chatting online with your friends and family. Ignore or mute the illness updates on your phone and social media if you have to in order to avoid a spiral or a panic attack. Try not to be angry with yourself for being extra anxious or struggling more with your depression symptoms right now.

     I'll end with this: It's easy during an event like this one to let mental health take a back seat to physical health, but we have to remember that mental health is just as important in helping us maintain overall wellness as physical health. Keep your appointments with your therapist as much as possble, keep up your exercises to manage daily symptoms if that's a coping strategy, ramp up your self-care plans. Reach out to people through phone calls, texts, or online chats if you're feeling alone. Also, practice the techniques you learned to help you keep from getting lost in an anxiety or depression spiral during the overload of negative or frightening information.

Children and Mental Health

     I saw a post going around on my Facebook over the weekend, and I haven't stopped thinking about it. In this post, a man says he saw a reporter ask a school principal (on the news or something like that), "What are we missing? What do kids need?" The principal tried to mention mental health and other relevant issues for children. The person that posted about this obviously didn't like what the principal said because the person sort of went on a rant about it. The person on Facebook said things like, "None of that mumbo jumbo makes a lick of sense. Here is what children need..." Then the person on Facebook went on to list that kids just need parents, other family members like grandparents and cousins, a bicycle, time to play outside, coloring books, and church. Basically children need, "faith, family, and good ole fashioned fun," the person states.
     While I agree that children need a support system, love, and time to just be children, I don't like that this person on Facebook completely discounted any discussion of mental health in relation to children. And, friends, this post was being spread around on Facebook like wildfire, which says something that concerns me. To me, that post being shared a lot say that a lot of people might have the idea that children, unless they had an extremely traumatic childhood, don't experience clinical mental health conditions.
     Any child, even those that come from ideally functional, loving families, can have a mental health condition. As someone who dealt with childhood anxiety and, what I didn't recognize at the time, as panic attacks that started when I was somewhere between 7 and 9 years old, I can tell you that children can have mental health conditions that need to be treated. (My doctor wanted to put me on medication.) I know someone who experienced depression so severe they wanted to die at age 8, and she will tell you that she wishes her parents would have gotten her treatment. Family time, church, and some "good ole fashioned fun" weren't going to solve any of our problems. Treatment was the only thing that was going to help.
     Mental illness does not discriminate based on age, gender, family structure, or socioeconomic status. Children's brains can become unwell, and they will need actual treatment, with a therapist to become well again. (Why do you think schools have school/guidance counselors? It's not just for teaching young children to share and helping older students pick out classes...)
     So, the "mumbo jumbo" that principal was talking about actually does make sense. (Some) parents are missing the signs that their child is in need of mental health treatment. The fact that children can have clinical mental health conditions before they even get anywhere near high school, where it's more likely to be addressed, is what we, as a society, are missing. Kids, even the young ones, need to know that if they feel sad a lot, or afraid all the time, or angry all the time, or any other kind of "funny"/"weird" / "not right" feelings they can talk to their parents about it and that their parents will ACTUALLY listen and possibly consult a professional.
     I'll end with this: Children, even really young children, can have a mental health condition. Mental illness does not discriminate based on age, family structure, or socioeconomic status. I know it's hard, but everyone needs to talk to their children about mental health so that they know their parents will actually listen and try to help them if they experience symptoms. And please, don't write it off or ignore it if you notice changes in your children or if they come to you and say something feels wrong just because you think your child "shouldn't have a mental health condition".