When you live with a mental illness, a lot of times, that mental illness can make you feel like you don't deserve things. Your mental health condition can often make you feel like you don't deserve good opportunities in school or at your job, your friends, the love freely given by your loved ones, or even happiness in general. Maybe you think you don't deserve them because you feel like you're not good enough or maybe you feel like you're a terrible person (like I did) who doesn't deserve anything good at all.
I lived my life for the better part of a decade under the assumption, that because of my OCD, specifically the content of my intrusive thoughts, I didn't deserve anything good in life because I was a terrible person. I didn't deserve the friends that I so desperately wanted. I didn't deserve it when people were nice to me. I didn't deserve to have romantic relationships. In fact, I didn't deserve to be happy at all. So, when something nice happened, anything from someone wanting to be my friend to something as simple as somebody giving me a compliment, I felt guilty because I felt like I didn't actually deserve even the most basic kindness from anyone. My inner dialogue was always, "If you only knew how terrible I really was, you wouldn't do this/say this/think this about me. I'm deceiving you by allowing you to think I deserve this."
When I told my therapist about this, she asked something like, "You don't want or like or intentionally have these intrusive thoughts, right?" I answered that, of course, I didn't want or like or intentionally think such terrifying, awful things. She nodded and said something like, "Well, these thoughts aren't your fault. You don't like them. You don't want to have them. So, why does this thing outside of your control mean that you're a terrible person who doesn't deserve kindness and things that make you happy?" I didn't have an answer.
I still think about what my therapist said that day. Why would experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition or having a mental health condition at all mean that someone didn't deserve good things? It doesn't, no matter what the mental health condition is or its symptoms are. That's just another lie that can be filed under "garbage thoughts your funky brain generated for no reason". I mean, you wouldn't say someone with asthma didn't deserve good things. That thought wouldn't even cross your mind. And mental health conditions are like asthma in that they are chronic health conditions outside of a person's control, right?
I'll end with this: Having a mental illness is not a default in your character. It doesn't say anything about who you are as a person, even if your symptoms are weird, gross, terrifying, vile intrusive thoughts. Having a mental illness isn't a thing that can define what you deserve. Living with a mental health condition doesn't mean you don't deserve happiness or to have the same opportunities in life as those without mental illness. Don't listen to your funky brain when it tells you that you're not good enough for someone or something or when it tells you that you're a completely terrible person. You are good enough, and you're definitely not a terrible person just because you have a mental health condition.
