It's Not an Either/Or Situation

    Lately, I've been seeing some things online that tell people with mental health conditions that if they just eat the right foods and make the right lifestyle changes, they won't have to take their psychotropic medications anymore. I've seen things that suggest anxiety can be cured using only meditation. I've seen things on social media that tell people on antidepressants that the only antidepressant they really need is to spend some time outdoors and get some exercise. I find this attitude more than a little troubling. 

   I know there is a stigma associated with mental health in general, and that their is a particular piece of that stigma that tells people they should feel embarrassed or ashamed if they have to take medications to help balance out their brain chemicals. I know, especially recently, with the rise of the "back to the earth" movement among younger generations, natural remedies for ailments are pushed pretty heavily. That's fine. Natural remedies can work for SOME things. What isn't fine is that society treats medication, especially for "invisible" conditions like mental health conditions, and natural remedies as sort of an either/or situation. As in you're either doing things the "wrong" way and taking the medications, or you're doing things the "right" way and stopping the medication for the old-fashioned natural approach.

    Natural remedies, as I said before, can work for SOME things for SOME people. The lifestyle changes and natural remedies can be good for helping manage the day-to-day symptoms of some conditions like anxiety and depression, but they don't treat the underlying issue of the imbalanced brain chemicals. Only medication and therapy can work to treat the underlying issues of imbalanced chemicals and faulty thought patterns that come with the out-of-balance brain chemicals. It isn't an either/or situation. At best it's an AND situation between medication and lifestyle and/or diet changes that a person can afford or is able to make.

    I get it. Many people don't like taking medication every day, especially not if it's something they may have to take for the rest of their life. Psychotropic medications, like all medications, can come with nasty side effects. The trial and error process of finding the most helpful medication in the correct dosage can be tedious and discouraging, especially when someone is in emotional distress or is otherwise significantly impaired by the mental health condition. I also get that medications are expensive. So of course, a great many people will be grasping at whatever could work to get off the medication in favor of something "easier" and less expensive. Of course, if some change or natural remedy worked for you, you might be tempted to push your friends to go off meds and try the thing that worked for you instead.

    But...let me explain why that's not a great idea. Many people need their medications to be functional and to stay alive. No amount of exercise, diet changes, lifestyle changes, or supplements in the world can replace the medication. That is okay. Also, those people, no matter how much they love you and want to make you happy, are not obligated to risk their jobs, mental stability, and lives to try the remedy that worked for you. I know it can be tempting to look for an "easier" (as in easier to access or tolerate or talk about) way to help your brain, but nobody should ever go off their medication unless their psychiatrist tells them it's time to stop the medication. 

    I'll end with this: I know I talk a lot about the lifestyle and diet changes I made to help improve my life with OCD and panic disorder and that I also talk a lot about taking L-theanine and CBD products instead of taking medication. That doesn't make me anti-medication. It should never be medication OR natural remedies, lifestyle changes, and diet changes. It should be medication AND natural remedies, lifestyle changes, and/or diet changes depending on the changes someone is able to make. Lastly, and I can't emphasize this enough, if you are taking medication, PLEASE DO NOT stop your medication in favor of a "more natural approach to treatment" because someone who is not on your mental health team wants you to/because it worked for them/because it's "better"/because it works faster, or any other reason.

The Bad Days

    Often, unless I've been full-on panicking, when my therapist asks me how I am at the beginning of a session, I'll say, "Eh. I'm fine." Then she'll reply, "Like actually fine, or the kind of fine where you're about to tell me all the reasons you're not actually fine?" (A lot of the time it's the second "fine".) 

    I don't like talking about my bad mental health days. Even after four years and eleven months in therapy, my knee-jerk reaction to a bad day is to act like it's a dirty little secret. Part of it is because I'm naturally a very private person. Part of it is because I have a hard time trusting other people with such "valuable ammunition" like information about my bad mental health days. Part of it is still the mental health stigma that is woven into our society, like the unwritten rule in our (American) society that tells us that people aren't going to want to "put up with us" if we show symptoms of a mental health condition. It actually took me a couple of YEARS to be able to tell my best friend when I was having a bad day with my OCD despite the fact that we talk almost every day, because I was afraid she wouldn't want to deal with all my nonsense. (She doesn't think it's nonsense, and she's a good member of my support system.)

    I also had this idea, at the start of my journey with mental health counseling, that once I had spent enough time in therapy that I wouldn't experience bad days any more. I thought I'd go in, work on my OCD, and then my brain would be "fixed" enough so that I wouldn't have any more really bad days. So, you can imagine my frustration when the bad days were still (less frequently) happening one year into therapy, two years in, three years in...I thought I'd be "better" after all that time. I thought healing meant that the bad days would magically disappear. That idea made it feel like I was failing every time I had a bad day, so of course I treated the "failures" like a dirty little secret.

    I have since learned that bad days are a permanent part of living with a chronic health condition, like mental health condition. They may happen less frequently, but at some point, a bad day will happen, and that's okay. A bad mental health day isn't a failure. It's just a bad day, like the days you wake up and the knee you sprained six years ago is aching for some unknown reason, and so you manage the pain as best you can and be extra careful with your knee that day. It doesn't mean you aren't healing properly, it just means that day is one in which you need extra care.

    As permanent events in life with a mental health condition, bad mental health days need to be acknowledged and accepted. Yes, it's unpleasant, but acknowledging that it's happening and that it'll happen again at some point takes away some of the power the bad day has to make you feel even worse about the fact that you're having a bad day. It's just a bad day, not a personal failure or a dirty little secret, and it's only temporary.

    I'll end with this: If you're a very private person, like me, it can be extremely difficult to let people in, especially to be able to talk about anything personal, like the details of a mental health condition. Bad mental health days aren't a dirty little secret or a personal failure. They're a permanent event in life with a mental health condition, and that's okay. Despite what the mental health stigma tells us, it's okay to have bad days and to show symptoms, and it's also okay to talk about it while it's happening or after it happens.

Anxiety Isn't a Code Word

    As someone with two diagnosed anxiety disorders, anxiety is pretty much my constant companion. I check in with my anxiety often so that I'm always mindful of how I'm feeling and treating myself, and I usually manage it pretty well. But, then, there are just some things that happen, or some places, or some people that can be a trigger for my OCD and/or Panic Disorder. 

    As someone with Panic Disorder, crowds, like those we usually find in stores before the holidays, or those generally swarming the streets of Gatlinburg can trigger a panic attack. Over-stimulating environments, like if the environment is really loud or there are a lot of flashing lights, or if people are yelling can trigger a panic attack. Wearing a mask when I go out is also a thing that can trigger a panic attack, as is having a stuffed up nose. (I still wear a mask.)

    As someone with OCD, change of any kind is a huge trigger for me. Any change in my daily routine, and especially bigger changes in my life like moving, cause a spike in anxiety that will then cause a spike in the occurrence and volume of my intrusive thoughts. Even happy changes, like unexpectedly being invited somewhere or unexpectedly having someone I like drop by for a visit is enough to cause a spike in my anxiety, because that is a deviation from the day's routine that I had planned out the day before.

    Here's the thing though: "This is messing with my anxiety," isn't code for, "I don't want to do this" or "I don't like this". Just because something makes me anxious doesn't mean that I don't WANT to do that thing. It doesn't mean that I don't LIKE doing that thing. Just because something could make me anxious doesn't mean that I won't TRY TO ENJOY the thing. Just because I'm anxious when someone drops by for a visit unexpectedly doesn't mean that I don't want to see them or that I don't want them to come over. Sure, I wish they had called or texted first, but, I'm still probably happy to see them. (I'm an introvert, so I'm not above just not opening the door and/or hiding until they leave if I REALLY didn't want to see them. I would also just decline an offer if I didn't want to do something.)

    Here's what that does mean: I may have to work a little bit harder to be able to do the thing. It may take me a little bit to work up to doing whatever the thing is, especially if I've already had a panic attack doing that thing or a similar thing before. (Example: I had a panic attack in the movie theater once, and it took me a couple of months to be able to go back to the movie theater.) I also probably need a small adjustment period to get used to the unexpected change even if it's a nice change. I mean, my brain is more than likely screaming at me, "This wasn't the plan. This feels different. DANGER! ABORT MISSION!" So, I'm going to have to work on quieting that anxious voice, which may take a few minutes. It also means that some days the trigger may feel too intense or my anxiety may already be too high, and I may have to leave or cancel doing whatever thing it was.

    I used to feel guilty, ashamed, or angry when I experienced an OCD spike or had a panic attack when I was TRYING to enjoy something. It almost felt like making excuses to admit that something was negatively affecting my anxiety disorder. I try not to be so unkind to myself these days. I had to stop and recognize that making my mental health a priority was actually listening to my body and acting accordingly. Sometimes, that just means talking to myself with extra compassion and patience while I still try to enjoy a place, event, or people; and sometimes that means recognizing that I need to step away to bring myself back to a better place before I can truly enjoy something or embrace a change in routine.

    I'll end with this: Experiencing mental health symptoms doesn't mean that someone doesn't want or like doing something or being somewhere. It may just mean that someone needs extra compassion and understanding to work through the symptoms or that they need to gracefully bow out this time. That is okay. Saying something is triggering a mental health condition also isn't a code for "I don't want to do/don't like this." No one should feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, or angry for prioritizing mental health in this way.