Self care is broadly defined as any activity we deliberately do to take care of our emotional, mental, and physical health. It includes seeking professional help and our own personal care routine.
Imagine this common scenario: You go to the doctor because you haven't been feeling quite right. Your doctor checks you out, and the doctor tells you that your cholesterol is high. Then your doctor tells you that you need to make some lifestyle changes to help you stay well. The doctor tells you to change your diet, to exercise more, drink more water, and the doctor even tells you about some supplements you can try to help improve your cholesterol and stay healthy.
Of course, you do what your doctor advises, and maybe you even do some of your own research about exercise and healthy meals that best suit you. You may even decide to learn to cook, and you might go out and buy a cookbook for yourself from the local bookstore. You probably even talk to your friends and family to see if they have any helpful tips or advice about some other changes you could make to be healthier. Of course, you implement the changes without the blink of an eye or any worry about what other people might think when they realize that you are unhealthy. You make the changes because your health and well-being are important to you, and you know that implementing a self care routine is the best way to make sure you stay healthy.
Imagine this other common scenario: You have a mental illness. You aren't feeling quite right. Maybe you're feeling more depressed or anxious than usual or you're thinking strange things more often than usual. Instead of making an appointment with your therapist or psychiatrist, you decide to "just deal with it". You "power through". You continue with your current lifestyle instead of re-evaluating your lifestyle to see if there are some things you could change to help yourself feel better again, like the amount you exercise, the food you eat, the amount you rest and relax, your workload, or maybe even adding in the use of medication (prescribed by your psychiatrist) or the use of supplements or essential oils (if you prefer a more natural approach).
Of course, you don't talk to anyone about it, not even friends or family. You feel like you can't. You feel like you just have to "power through" or "just deal with it". Of course, you don't rest more or think about medications or supplements to help you feel better. Of course, you don't take a mental health day. You worry about people knowing that you're struggling or that you aren't as healthy as you were weeks or months ago. You know you need help. You know you should implement some self care, but you're worried about being judged if you admit that you're struggling.
It's "only" a mental health condition, right? You don't have to treat those like real illnesses, right? It's just one of those things, like feeling overwhelmed or stressed out, right? You can just push through it to the other side without really being impacted too much by it, right? You can just suck it up, right? It's not like it can kill you, right? (I hope you're all as offended by this attitude as I am.).
Mental illnesses are actual illnesses, too, just like the heart disease you could end up with from high cholesterol. Mental illnesses deserve the same care and treatment as high cholesterol and the possibility of heart disease. Proper treatment and self care are REQUIRED to manage a mental illness, just like any physical illness. Both a mental health condition and something like high cholesterol REQUIRE some lifestyle changes to maintain a healthy body and mind. The self care and lifestyle changes are also more than likely going to be permanent because you can't just stop doing everything that got you well once you feel better (at least not if you want to stay feeling better).
I often see online that people with a mental health condition see self care as selfish. They don't like to take a mental health day or reduce their workload because they feel lazy. They don't like going to bed early because they feel boring. They don't like saying no to a night out with friends or canceling plans because that makes them seem flaky. They don't eat healthier because being healthy is expensive, and they feel guilty for spending so much money on themselves. They don't want to make the extra appointments with their psychiatrist or therapist because that makes them seem needy.
People don't feel that way about physical illnesses like high cholesterol. People don't think twice about going to the doctor to monitor heart function and cholesterol levels. People don't feel guilty saying, "Oh, I can't eat this or this or that or my ticker might give out." People don't feel guilty for arranging appointments or fun with friends around a workout schedule. People with high cholesterol don't feel bad for spending the money on healthy food because they know they need it to stay alive.
Some try to make the argument that self care is needed more with physical conditions because physical conditions are deadlier than mental health conditions, but that isn't true. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US. Each year, 44,193 people die by suicide in the US. So, mental health conditions are just as deadly as any other type of health condition (American Center for Suicide Prevention, 2017).
I can't emphasize this enough: Just like with any other health condition, self care for your mental health condition could save your life. It isn't weakness to realize that you might need to try medications. It's not a failure to come off medication and then later need to go back on medication. It isn't needy to recognize that maybe you need to see your therapist more often. It isn't silly or selfish to realize that you need to add in some relaxation techniques or meditation to your daily schedule. It isn't flaky to realize that you don't need to do an activity or be in a place that might negatively affect your mental health. It isn't lazy to realize that you need to rest more or that the amount you are working is hurting your mental health. It isn't crazy to realize that your job itself or work environment hurts your mental health, and then to go look for something different. It isn't selfish to spend the money on buying healthier food for yourself. It isn't crazy or selfish to carve out time to exercise, even if that means arranging plans around your workout schedule. It also isn't attention-seeking to talk to friends and family about how you're feeling so they know what's going on. Self care is smart.
Self care also isn't easy. Even after 2 years in therapy, I still struggle to have the right types and amounts of self care in my life. I see my therapist once a week, and during the summer months, when I'm dealing with the memories of some traumatic events, I sometimes see my therapist twice a week. (Yes, seeing a therapist and taking your medications are part of self care...) I don't struggle with keeping my appointments, but sometimes I don't look forward to them. I know sometimes after a period of high anxiety, that I should take a nap, but I HATE naps. (This frustrates my mother to no end.) I also lapse in my meditation practice. Sometimes it's a chore to exercise 3 times a week, and sometimes, I don't manage 3 times a week. I am by no means perfect when it comes to my self care routine, but I can tell when I've put self care on the backburner for too long because I feel worse. Sometimes, I even fall back into the old pattern of "powering through". Then I feel guilty for not being kind to myself.
I'll end with this: Everyone in the world could benefit from taking the time to figure out an adequate self care routine, not just those of us that live with a mental health condition. Self care is particularly important for achieving and maintaining wellness when you live with a mental health condition. It isn't always easy. You might not always want to do your self care routine, but your self care routine could save your life. Taking care of yourself and your mental and physical health is never selfish. It's smart.
Source for suicide statistics:
Suicide Statistics. (2017). Retrieved October 11, 2017, from https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/
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