Disclaimer: If you think someone is a danger to themselves or others, if someone has lost touch with reality, or if you notice sudden, unusual changes in behavior (like fits of rage/panic/crying, a significant drop in functioning, a signifigant drop in school performance, or suspected drug use) that can't be explained by an environmental factor, you should definitely call a crisis line and/or get the person a medical and psychological evaluation.
I was recently an observer to a situation that brought back many memories from the years before and the beginning of my journey to wellness. I always talk about what I was going through, but I never talk about what my mom was going through at the same time. I couldn't really see outside myself and all my secrets that I was trying to hide at the time, which is a thing that often happens when we suffer with anything that hurts, whether it's a mental health condition, grief, or generally unpleasant life circumstances.
At the same time I was suffering, so was my mom. She had to watch me suffer and then feel helpless because I wouldn't tell her what was going on. She asked repeatedly after each period of panic, and I made up excuses or I lied because I was too afraid to tell her the truth. (Sorry, Mum.) She would even ask me to go to therapy each time and offer to make appointments for me, because, if I couldn't talk to her, she at least wanted me to talk to someone. I declined each time, and she didn't force the issue, even though I'm sure she wanted to. I had to break, I guess, before I was willing to let therapy help me piece myself back together. (Just a tip: DON'T DO WHAT I DID. Go to therapy at the first sign something isn't quite right. Even if you're afraid therapy can't help you, just try it out for a couple of months. You're brain is lying, by the way, if it tells you that you can't be helped.)
You might be asking yourself why my mom didn't just force me to go to therapy. That seems like the best thing she could have done, right? She could have made an appointment for me, put me in the car, and then took me to the therapist. Is that what you're thinking? Well, it's not that easy. That wouldn't have been effective because I wouldn't have WANTED the help she was trying to forcefully give me. I wasn't ready for help yet, and I didn't really think I could be helped anyway.
Here's the thing about mental health. You can't force people into treatment unless it's under special circumstanced (see Disclaimer above). People have to WANT (or at the very least, recognize that they need it) to go to therapy and put in the work or it isn't going to work. It's exactly like physical health that way. People have to WANT to get well and be willing to make the necessary changes before their health and quality of life can improve. People have to be willing to talk to a therapist before the therapist can help them. (Therapy is amazing, but therapists aren't magicians that can snap their fingers and fix our brains while we sit there and glare at them in stony silence. Therapy is a give-and-take relationship. Therapists are facilitators that give us the tools and information to change our brains. Also, therapy does not end after the hour-long appointment, my friends.)
My mom (as a person who has gone to therapy herself) knew she couldn't force me to see a therapist. She knew I wouldn't let therapy help me if I felt like she was forcing me to go. So, she did the best thing. She kept bringing it up. She kept asking if I wanted to go, even though, most of the time, I responded with anger or a lie. She kept bringing it up and asking anyway. She never asked in a way that made me feel like she thought something was wrong with me, like I NEEDED therapy. She would just ask, "Do you want to make an appointment to talk to someone? I think that could make you feel better." Or, "Do you want me to call and make an appointment for you so you can talk to someone?" She never made it seem threatening or taboo. She always mentioned it conversationally and without judgement. Sort of like, "Hey, I notice you might not be feeling well, do you want to get checked out?" If she'd done it any other way, goodness knows how much longer I would have resisted or even if I might have shut her out completely.
I'll end with this: As much as we want to sometimes, we (mostly) can't force people we love into mental health treatment. We're scared, our loved one is scared...it's a scary situation to be in when we're dealing with an out-of-control mental health condition. As much as we NEED help, we have to WANT help, too, or therapy isn't going to be effective. Also, it wouldn't hurt to ask why our loved ones don't want help while we're on the topic.
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