Should I Tell My Therapist?

     This is a question that I get asked quite often by my fellow therapy-seekers. They will usually tell me about their problems, stresses,  the new or most bothersome symptoms of their mental health condition, or a mistake or bad decision they may have recently made, as friends do. Then they'll ask me, "Do you think I should tell my therapist about this?" My answer is always, "YES. TELL THEM."

    I completely understand how this can be an uncomfortable thing, but if you're in therapy, you are ABSOLUTELY supposed to tell your therapist everything. If it's good, bad, ugly, embarrassing, shameful, scary to talk about, and everything in between, you're supposed to talk to your therapist about it. Even if you think they'll be mad at you, (spoiler: they won't be mad at you), tell them. Even if you think they won't like it or understand it, tell them anyway. Even if you're sure they won't able to help you, tell them everything anyway. If you're asking yourself or anyone else, "Should I tell my therapist about this?" the answer is yes, you definitely should. That's the only way therapy will actually be helpful.

      When I had my intake appointment with my first therapist, I almost didn't tell her about my intrusive thoughts. I was afraid that she would either think I needed to be institutionalized (they don't really even do that anymore) or that she'd confirm my worst fear, that I was actually possessed and she couldn't help me. Then I realized that if she didn't know, that I wouldn't even be in therapy for the one thing that was causing all of my other symptoms, so therapy wouldn't actually help me at all. So, I told her, and I was absolutely terrified as I told her. She said she could still help me, and because I was honest, I finally got the help that I so desperately needed. Because I had told her EVERYTHING, I had taken my first step in the healing process.

    Being completely open and completely honest with your therapist is the only way that the therapeutic process is going to work. If you keep anything hidden or don't talk about ALL of your feelings, then how are you going to process everything that you need to process in order to heal from it? You have to be willing to let your therapist see all the "broken" bits, all the bits that you don't like, everything that feels weird. You're therapist needs to see all of that so they can see the "whole picture" of you, your illness/trauma, your thoughts and beliefs, your feelings, and your life so they can see how best to help you figure out how to help yourself.

    I'll end with this: I know it can be terrifying to think about telling someone, even a therapist, all of the things you think are strange about your mind, all the things that you feel ashamed of, and/or all the things you think make you "broken". But...the only way that the therapeutic process works and helps you heal from your trauma is if you're completely open and honest. If you think for even one second, "Should I tell my therapist about this?" The answer is YES, TELL YOUR THERAPIST.