Your Friends are Not Your Therapist

    A lot of people think that therapy is just an un-interrupted hour in which people talk about their feelings, vent about their problems, and/or get advice from their therapist. Because that's the way so many people think of therapy, they also think that talking to their friends and going to therapy with a licensed mental health professional are the same thing. Those same people are also quick to point out, "Therapy costs money, and I can talk to my friends about the same stuff FOR FREE."

    Yes, it's always good to be able to talk to your friends about your life, including your mental health. Yes, your friends can be great at listening to you and helping you sort through some life-related issues.  But...YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT YOUR THERAPIST and expecting them to be is unfair. I also feel like this needs to be said: talking to your friends about your mental health, although it can feel wonderful to unburden yourself to someone when you're dealing with a mental illness, is not the same thing as actually treating your mental illness so you can recover and heal your brain.

    On the most basic level, your friends are not qualified or trained to be able to SAFELY help you with your mental illness. Psychology (and counseling since it's part of psychology) is an actual science that takes years to study, understand, and use properly. Therapy is the actual scientific treatment plan that a licensed mental health professional uses with their client to be able to treat and manage the mental illness and the other ways that our brains can become unwell. Expecting your friends to take on the responsibility of being your (unofficial, untrained) therapist isn't only dangerous for them because they may take on your trauma as their own trauma since they aren't trained to properly set up boundaries like a therapist; it's also dangerous for you as well because your friend doesn't really understand how your brain is unwell in order to help you, which could actually create new ways for your unwell brain to become even more unwell when your friend says or does the wrong things.

    On a deeper level, treating your friends like your therapist will ruin your relationships. When you treat your friends like your therapist it can make you and your friends feel like they're responsible for your healing. That's a lot of weight to put on someone else's shoulders, especially when they weren't meant to pick it up in the first place. It's impossible to maintain a friendship when you expect things from the other person that are literally impossible things for them to give you. Your friends can't heal you from your traumas, especially when you're dealing with a mental illness that you're refusing to get actual treatment for, because your healing is your responsibility, not theirs. 

    I'll end with this: Talking about your mental health with your friends is generally a good thing. Expecting your friends to be your therapist instead of getting the real therapy that you actually need, however, is never a good thing. Your friends are not your therapist and expecting them to be is unfair and dangerous for you, your friends, and your relationship with them.