We All Have Our Moments

     If you live life with a mental health condition, then you probably know that other people, sometimes, don't handle your mental health condition very well. Sure, we already know that life with a mental health condition can be exhausting, confusing, frustrating, and too much altogether. Of course, the people that love us and deal with our mental health condition alongside us are also going to feel that same exhaustion, confusion, frustration, and overwhelming sensation of too much sometimes, too. We all have our rough days that are hard to get through.
     Here's the thing, though, at least for me: If I'm already having a rough time, I'm already feeling bad because I'm having a rough time. I feel like a crazy person, and I'm probably already blaming myself for feeling like a crazy person because I know I'm being irrational, yet, I can't seem to make my anxious brain slow its roll so I can try to feel more in control of myself. Then, if someone doesn't deal with my rough day with my mental health condition with compassion, or even if they just genuinely don't get it, I feel even worse, like it's my fault they behaved in whatever way was unkind. I feel like I've just let my mental health condition get in the way, and of course, the person has a right to behave in that way because I did a wrong thing somehow while I was trying to deal with my mental health condition. Then I just want to cry about it and go into shut down mode to avoid making someone else even more frustrated or overwhelmed or confused. In other words, I internalize their negative reaction, and that's a bad thing.
     Here's the thing for the other person: If someone reacts to your mental health struggle or rough day without compassion, or if they are unkind in some way, that more than likely has nothing to do with you and your mental health condition. Their negative reaction more than likely has something to do with an unrelated issue that they're dealing with like extra stress at work or in a relationship or just a bad day. The other person may not even realize that they behaved in a way that you felt was unkind because they were so wrapped up in their own issue to the point that everything else was just background noise.
     It's okay, when you feel that someone hasn't been kind or compassionate when you're struggling, to feel hurt and to cry it out if you need to cry it out. It's not a good idea to shut down and shut them out because you really need all the members of your support system. You need to communicate with them. How is an issue supposed to be fixed if we don't talk it out? It's unhealthy to stay silent on an issue so that every time the issue comes up, it just adds another weight to the issue pile until it tumbles over in an argument or you lash out. It's not okay to be unkind to someone just because they may have been unkind to you.
     Try to be understanding of the person. Look at their life at the moment and see if you can recognize that other things might be causing their frustration and stress. Then talk it out. Tell them that you see other things are going on, and tell them the way you have been feeling about something they may have said or done when you were having a rough time. It's okay to point out when someone does something that isn't helpful as long as it isn't in a blaming or accusing way. (Think: "I feel...when you say/do..." to come across in a way that is easy to listen to.)
     I'll end with this: People aren't always going to be good at dealing with a loved one's mental health condition. People get exhausted, confused, stressed, frustrated, and overwhelmed because they're human, and sometimes they don't behave with the compassion that other people need. Even the people that we love and that love us may have a rough day in which they don't deal with us and our mental health condition in the best way, but that doesn't mean they love us less or think we're a burden. Their negative reaction had more to do with them than us, so don't internalize their reaction. Talk to them about what you need from them, about what they do that is helpful and what is unhelpful, and express when they may have hurt your feelings in a kind and non-blaming way.