I always tell my therapist that living with anxiety is like living with a toddler inside my head. Anxiety behaves like a toddler. It screams and yells and says mean things, and doesn't listen when you try to be logical. If you can hang on and not give into the anxiety long enough on a good day, it gives up. Other days, when the anxiety is having a particularly persistent day, you may end up lying in the floor, crying while the anxiety continues to scream.
As a result of thinking of the anxiety as a misbehaving toddler, as my anxiety levels rise, I find myself saying a lot, "No, no, it's okay. You're fine. Everything is fine." I tell myself that everything is fine, and then I try to ignore my anxiety, much like a parent might ignore bad behavior until the misbehaving kid moves on to something else. I just pretend everything is fine, and I don't acknowledge the anxiety until the anxiety drops off, which may take anywhere from a few minutes to a few days.
My therapist pointed out that sometimes, when I don't recognize and acknowledge the anxiety that I'm feeling that I could be just feeding the anxiety. That sounds weird, right? Well, she explained that by pretending I was fine while my brain was going haywire with thoughts and my body was shoved into overdrive with anxiety's physical sensations, while I'm sitting there just telling myself that I'm fine, I may be just adding to the anxiety.
How am I adding to my anxiety by pretending I'm fine? Because anxiety is a feeling that I experience, and all of my feelings need to be acknowledged and recognized whether I want to feel them or not. Not acknowledging it and recognizing it sort of means it stresses me more because on top of the anxiety I'm feeling, I have added the pressure to not be anxious, which just makes me feel the anxiety and think about it more. Basically, I'm sending myself the message that it's not okay experience anxiety. Also, the longer the anxiety goes the more gruesome, more frequent, and more terrifying my OCD intrusive thoughts become.
My therapist suggested that, when I experience the anxiety, I should acknowledge the feelings, like the racing heart and chest pain and sweaty palms and tingling hands and feet. Then I should recognize that I didn't do anything wrong that made them happen. Anxiety just happens, much like a sudden headache or muscle cramp. Then I just have to tell myself that feeling anxiety isn't necessarily bad because my body is just functioning the way it's supposed to function, just in overdrive.
I had never thought of anxiety as a thing that wasn't a bad thing until she said that. Anxiety is just the body functioning properly, but it's in overdrive. It's not bad that that happens sometimes. So, it's not a bad thing to acknowledge when it happens instead of pretending that it isn't happening. I mean, toddlers have bad days, and when parents admit that their toddler is having a bad day, it's probably easier to deal with than when they try to pretend everything is fine and they so totally aren't frustrated with the situation. (I also have to admit that realizing anxiety is just my body functioning normally, but in overdrive, might make me less terrified that my anxiety will kill me while I'm home alone.)
I'll end with this: It's okay to admit to yourself that you aren't totally fine. It's okay to admit that your anxiety is having a terrible two's kind of day. Admitting that to yourself is actually a way to get a tiny bit of distance between yourself and your body in overdrive so you can do what you need to do manage it and get to a better place. It's also a kindness to yourself to admit that you're not fine in the moment so you can give yourself an extra bit of compassion and self care instead of adding the pressure to JUST BE FINE ALREADY.
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