The Magical Answer

     I know someone who struggles with OCD and is in therapy like me. We talk about everything from our intrusive thoughts to the things we learn about in our therapy sessions. My friend was diagnosed and entered into treatment long before me. We're at different places in our journey to healing and wellness, and that's perfectly okay. My friend's favorite question to ask me seems to be, "How do you cope with it?" My friend asks in a way that makes me feel like they think I have the magical answer that will suddenly make things all better. It makes me feel like I have a duty to save them because I'm further along in my journey of healing.
     I don't mind questions about things that worked for me. I'm glad to engage on any mental health topic. It's just that their question makes me...uncomfortable. Maybe it's just the way my friend asks that makes me uncomfortable. I want desperately to be helpful and to be able to give them whatever answer they're looking for, but I don't have the answer that fixes everything. Honestly, half the time I'm amazed at my own progress, and I find myself asking gratefully, "How and when did I get here? I didn't think this was even possible!"
     I know how I got here, really. I worked on it. I used the things that my therapist taught me, and I worked hard. I'm still working hard to manage my anxiety. I take life with my OCD one day at time, and deal with whatever it tries to throw at me the best I can. I can't say that to my friend without sounding a little bit like an asshole or like I'm bragging, at the very least. I know that isn't the answer my friend wants to hear.
     Another reason their question, or maybe the way they ask it, makes me a little bit uncomfortable is because I have no idea if any of the strategies I use will help them. I know how my brain works, and I know how OCD works in general. I still don't know which coping strategy will be helpful to me from one day to the next, and which ones will stop working altogether (because that happens over time). Finding things that work is a lot like finding medication and/or a therapist that works for you. It's a trial and error process, and you just have to hang in there through it and change things as needed. I still have to go through this process all the time. So, how can I save someone else when I'm still in the process of saving myself all the time?
     I'll end with this: The reality is that I can't save anyone else. I don't have the magical answer that fixes everything. I can only offer information that MIGHT be helpful and then hope and pray that something I said actually helps. And then I can hope they find the type of help they need so they can save themselves. When it comes to mental health, we can't expect to have all the answers for everyone or even ourselves. Therapists don't even have ALL the answers, and they've studied mental health extensively. We can only take it one day at a time and try our best.