I'll Deal with that Later

     When it comes to health concerns, especially those "invisible" health concerns like high blood pressure, signs of autoimmune conditions, and especially mental health conditions, for many people the default thought pattern is, "I'll deal with that later". And by "deal with it later" they usually mean that they'll deal with the issue when they're forced to deal with it by something external, like an ER doctor, an extremely distressed loved one, or, occasionally in cases of severe mental illness or substance abuse, the court system. I was a "deal with it later" person when it came to my mental health, and, to this day, that is something I regret.

    It's so easy to have that "I'll deal with that later" attitude, particularly when it comes to mental health. It's so easy to make excuses for why you can put your mental health on the backburner. The whole, "I don't have time to go to therapy." Or, "This isn't bad all the time, so I don't need therapy." Or, "I'm only having panic attacks because I'm stressed. They'll stop soon enough." Or, "I'm only depressed because X,Y, or Z. It's only been a few months. I'm sure I'll feel better soon." Then before you're even sure what happened, your life isn't so much a life as it is an existence of dread and darkness punctuated by sleep because the issue actually didn't go away like you thought it would.

    The thing that doesn't seem to register with mental health conditions is that, like all other conditions, like high blood pressure and autoimmune conditions, the longer the condition goes untreated because it doesn't seem that serious, the more serious it's going to get over time until something disastrous happens. No health condition, including mental illness, is going to just disappear or spontaneously resolve itself if you put it off for long enough. As with all health issues, if you don't see to the issue as soon as it arises because you think you don't have time or it isn't bothering you all the time, then your health will force you to take the time to deal with it at some point. Believe me when I tell you that it will be extremely unpleasant when it reaches the point when you find yourself forced to deal with it.

    By the time I was forced to deal with my mental health conditions, I had reached the point that I was barely functioning. I could barely manage to eat anything. I had lost weight. I was having panic attacks daily. I was crying myself to sleep and crying when my mom had to leave to go to work and crying at random times throughout the day. (Yeah, I cried A LOT.) I felt like I was a terrible person, and I hated myself all the time. I was in my second spiral that felt and looked like some kind of nervous breakdown. I was terrified. I ended up at the hospital. 

    Don't do what I did, friends. Don't put your mental health off and promise to deal with it later. Don't think that an issue isn't important if you don't experience it ALL THE TIME. Don't ignore it because you're afraid of what the symptoms might mean. Don't tell yourself that whatever issue it is will just sort itself out. It'll be much better and easier to manage if you deal with an issue or set of symptoms as soon as they start happening.

    At the first sign something isn't quite right, at the first panic attack, first intrusive thoughts, the first time you even think you might be depressed, seek help. Talk to your doctor and see if they can refer you to a therapist. Call your insurance provider and ask about in-network mental health services. Drop into your local community mental health agency to schedule an appointment if you don't have insurance. Don't wait until it reaches the critical point and something external forces you to seek help. (Reminder: most community mental health agencies charge on a sliding scale for mental health services and even some medications, and the service might be free or nearly free depending on your income level.)

    I'll end with this: Your mental health is too important to ignore or put off taking care of. An untreated mental health condition can steal your life away just as quickly as a physical health condition. So, please, at the first sign that something feels even the slightest bit "off" or different, seek help. Don't wait until it's so bad that something forces you to seek treatment, because, I can tell you from experience, you don't deserve to feel as miserable as you'll more than likely be feeling by that point. You deserve more out of your life than just an existence of pain and misery paused by a few hours of sleep.