A Vital Resource

     I've always considered myself to be more of a loner than a social butterfly. (If I wanted to use another animal image here I would say that I was more cat-like in my relationships with other humans.) I liked keeping people at a distance. I was always the girl that would hide her face in a book to avoid people, and maybe I had one (2 if you count the stray cat that always seems to find me) close friends. I wanted to appear tough, like I didn't need people, because I REALLY hated the idea that I needed someone for any reason.
     Then Summer 2015 happened. Once I started therapy, before my therapist and I embarked on the rough and sometimes terrifying journey of treatment that includes Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, and Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy, she brought up the topic of my support system. She said something like, "Now, I want to make sure you have a support system in place before we start ERP. I don't want you to feel even more alone with this than you already do."
     I've got to tell you, the whole support system thing scared me a little bit more than the Exposure ad Response Prevention Therapy. To have a support system meant that I needed to open up and talk about the things that were sensitive topics for me. That meant I also had to expect the people I wanted to include in my support system to actually listen and try to understand, or maybe even be present when I was having trouble handling the elevated levels of anxiety that come with Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy. Maybe I would even have to tell them the topic of the intrusive thoughts that cause me enough distress to send me into a spiral of panic.
     Being the introvert and the loner that I am, my support system is small, and the main member of my support system is my mom. The entire support system that I utilize consists of 3 people, not including my therapist or my cat. Before this, I thought a support system wouldn't be able to help me through anything because other people just wouldn't get it. I was wrong. I just wasn't willing to give anyone the chance to understand because I was too afraid they'd judge me or drop me like some ruined thing they no longer wanted to deal with.
     Sometimes, just having someone to tell me, "You can do this. You aren't alone," is all it takes. Then sometimes my mom has to point out that I've found a way to work through the other stuff, so I can work through the new stuff, too, because she thinks I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. Sometimes, another person in my support system will just remind me, on a bad day, that a laugh is in order. The reality is that we all need someone, and we can't pretend that we don't. (Humans need other humans to interact with. Again, I'm human. Gasp!)
     I'll end with this: Whether you are able to give therapy a shot or not, a support system is a vital resource when you're dealing with mental illness. They don't even have to completely understand what's happening, really. They just have to be there. That's the whole point of a support system, to let you know you aren't completely alone, even when you feel like you are. I know it can be scary to let people in for all sorts of reasons, but if you can let just one person in, that can make a world of difference. (I wish I would have figured that out a lot sooner.)