It's the day before Christmas Eve, and I have something on my mind. By tomorrow, I'll be hanging out with some of my family that I only see once or twice a year and maybe even some of their friends that made the trip home with them. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone. Seeing everyone is the reason I love Christmas. I'm also a little wary of the conversation topics that could be brought up, specifically my mental health. My family is one that doesn't shy away from things like this while we're at the table or hanging out in the living room swapping life updates. Me, on the other hand...I'm a little more private, especially around people that I don't know very well.
This sort of thing happened on Thanksgiving. I was hanging out with some family, one of the cousins I only see once or twice a year, and I was just snacking on deep-fried turkey while the conversation bounced around from tattoos to food to hunting to travel. Then, suddenly my mental health was the topic of conversation, and I was sort of shoved into the spotlight. I got asked about my diagnosis. I got asked about medication and therapy. I even got asked about the kinds of thoughts that cause me anxiety. Then they started to offer suggestions. Yes, they only did it because they love me and they care about my well being, but that didn't make me feel less awkward about it.
I don't mind talking about mental health at all, and I'm glad they cared enough to ask. I just felt awkward in this instance with all the questions that I wasn't prepared to answer. It was also a holiday, and topics like that feel too heavy to me, to just discuss on a holiday, while we were all just hanging out. I went in expecting to just get hugs, talk about my book and their lives, and maybe to eat more food, and I just wasn't prepared for that topic about me to come up out of the blue.
So, I'm thinking about tomorrow. This blog and my mental health in general could be brought up in conversation. How am I going to handle that? Am I going to tell these family members that I don't see very often about my OCD and treatment if someone brings it up? Do I want to discuss that in front of the people that I might not even know?
If I'm being honest, I'd rather not have a discussion like that on a holiday, in front of everyone. I don't want to shy away from the topic of mental health, but I also don't want to think about my OCD constantly, especially not when I could be hanging out with some family members that I've missed since last Christmas. (Because sometimes I can get by with not thinking about it for a blessedly peaceful few hours.) I'd be happy to set aside some time, or suggest we talk about it all later, after the fun and the laughs and hopefully, after the food. I will also definitely direct them to my blog so they can read it and stay in the loop with me. (I'm also a little afraid that being asked about my intrusive thoughts might be a trigger to shoot my anxiety to a high level and make the thoughts worse, since I'm being honest.)
I know things don't go the way that I plan them in my head, and I know I can't control the things that people are going to say. I'm going prepared this year, with planned out answers to the usual questions. I'm also going prepared to simply refer them to my blog instead of turning Christmas into a lecture filled with all kinds of psychobabble.
I'll end with this: Holidays are stressful. Dealing with mental illness can add to the stress of the holiday. If you feel comfortable discussing mental health in this sort of setting, that is perfectly fine. If you don't feel comfortable with that, that is also perfectly fine. Just remember that generally, the people asking are just curious because they care. If you have a loved one that has a mental health condition, please, be mindful of the way you bring it up and the questions that you ask because some things can be accidentally triggering.
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