How Do You Do It?

     I was talking to a friend the other day, and we were chatting, like usual. The person knows that I have OCD, and the topic of mental health came up. Then the person asked me a question that surprised me. "How do you do it?" the person asked me. Meaning a number of things: how was I handling my OCD, how was I functioning so well, how did I still seem to be at least okay while I was dealing with OCD.
     The question surprised me because they thought I was doing well enough to ask such a question. I've only heard this question applied to parents that are super-parents or college students that go to class full-time while they work full-time and maintain a 4.0 GPA, people that seemed to do exceptional things. So, it wasn't a question I expected to hear. So, this got me thinking. I started thinking about the way I appear to other people.
     While I was secretly living with OCD I remained high functioning because I had to be high functioning in order to hide the fact that I was dealing with the possibility that I was losing my mind. No one could know that I was dealing with intrusive thoughts that I didn't understand and mental compulsions that I didn't even know were compulsions. I hid it so well that not even my mother knew what was going on until this past year when I literally couldn't deal with it on my own any more.
     Then I started therapy. I assumed that when I came forward with an OCD diagnosis and my decision to seek treatment that the way people had viewed me would change. I had assumed that everyone would suddenly view me as some lower functioning weakling that couldn't manage on her own. I viewed myself that way in the beginning, like the OCD made me weaker. It didn't occur to me that some people, maybe those struggling with some mental health condition, or maybe just those people that understood OCD or mental health in general might view me as stronger for having more on my plate to deal with. I also hadn't thought that I would be viewed the exact same as before my diagnosis, but that has also been the case (with a couple of exceptions).
     I still have bad days, and to me those bad days are so terrible that I know they have to be obvious to everyone around me. I'm even a little bit afraid that, if I go out when I'm having a bad OCD day, that people will be able to read it all over my face. It feels like I have OCD stamped on my forehead. That has never been the case. When I have bad days, no one even notices. I appear normal to everyone that doesn't know me on a personal level. I still appear to be a very high functioning, well adjusted person instead of the anxiety-riddled, OCD-labeled person that I see when I look in the mirror some days.
     So, I've been thinking. How do I do it? I have no idea how to answer that question. I just take life with my OCD one day at a time, and I hope and pray that I have more good days than bad days. I also think the answer depends on the person that asked the question. I would probably give a different answer to every person that asked. If a fellow OCD sufferer asked, I would give a technical, therapeutic answer. If another friend asked, I might list off the lifestyle changes I've made since October. If a stranger asked, I might just say that I sought out the help of a therapist, and that I've used a workbook.
     I'll end with this: Be aware of how you see yourself versus how other people see you. You're worst days might look like just an average day to the casual observer, so don't stress about how you appear to everyone else so much. You never know, someone might look up to you for the fight you don't even realize you're winning against a mental health condition.