I've always felt like I was weird, and not in a good way, like something was wrong with me. I felt like I didn't handle things like disappointment, the death of pets or loved ones, or even something as simple as loud noises and strong smells as well as everyone else around me. I felt like I was too sensitive to things at best, and I felt like I was overdramatic at worst. I hated that the smallest things could make me cry, make me feel so overwhelmed that I needed to shut down, make me anxious, or make me feel terribly sad. I hated that it felt like I couldn't control my own emotions sometimes. Not only did I hate it, but feeling things so strongly tended to freak me out so that I thought I needed to shut it down to be "normal" and sometimes even to survive.
Then my second therapist had me do some research on Highly Sensitive People. It turns out that I'm not actually weird, too sensitive, or overdramatic. I'm just a Highly Sensitive Person, like around fifteen to twenty percent of the general population. It's not a clinical sort of thing. I don't need fixing because of it. Being a Highly Sensitive Person is just an innate trait, and some research suggests that it may be genetic, (Aron, 2016). (My mom is also a Highly Sensitive Person, and so was my grandmother.)
I know I've mentioned that I am a Highly Sensitive Person in previous blog posts, but it occurred to me that not many people may know what that really means. Basically, being highly sensitive means that I process things like my emotions and my external environment on a deeper cognitive level. That also means that because I process things on a deeper level, I feel emotions more intensely, and I react to things like being startled or repeated loud noises more intensely than someone who isn't a Highly Sensitive Person. (I'm jumpy, like a cat...) I can also become overstimulated quickly by loud environments, strong smells, lights that are too bright, and even just too many people talking at once while I'm trying to pay attention. I may also get overwhelmed and become anxious when I have too much to do in a rushed timeframe, which is why I was never a procrastinator in school. (That's called sensory overload, and it happens with anxiety disorders as well.) (Aron, 2016).
What else does being a Highly Sensitive Person mean? It also means that I am more susceptible to experience an anxiety disorder and/or depression, according to a Psychology Today post. I also mentioned in a previous post that I also muted my feelings whenever possible, which may have also contributed to my development of Pure OCD. That makes so much more sense now that I understand that I feel things more intensely. Not all Highly Sensitive People will develop an anxiety disorder or depression, but it does seem worth knowing that being Highly Sensitive might make someone more susceptible to something like that.
Why do I think it's important that I recognize that I am a Highly Sensitive Person? Because I felt like an overdramatic weakling, like I was too sensitive to deal with normal events before I realized that it was just an innate trait that I have. That was an unpleasant feeling. Realizing that I am a Highly Sensitive Person has also helped me to be more accepting of myself and my feelings. Even just understanding why I'm feeling something in a certain way, and why I have difficulty shaking off my feelings the way everyone else seems to, has decreased my anxiety related to my emotional state.
I'll end with this: We live in a culture that tends to prize developing a thick outer skin instead of sensitivity, but that definitely doesn't mean that being a Highly Sensitive Person is bad thing. Getting to know and understand yourself is super important, even if you aren't trying to learn to deal with a mental health condition, because you have to know and understand yourself before you can accept yourself. If you're interested in learning more about Highly Sensitive People, or if you think you might be a Highly Sensitive Person, I encourage you to check out the work of Elaine Aron online or to buy her book on Amazon. You can even take a self test.
Sources:
1. Aron, E. N. (2016). Retrieved from http://hsperson.com/
2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201210/coping-anxiety-hsp
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