Another Jewel in the Crown

     "You're suffering now, but that just means another jewel in your crown when you get to Heaven." 

    "You're suffering now, but when you come out on the other side of it, you'll be on a path to do great things."

    "There is a reason you're suffering, and it'll help you find your purpose."

    Over the years that I've been living with my mental health conditions, I've heard so many things like the above statements. I know the person saying it always means it in a comforting way. But...I don't find statements like the ones above comforting at all. If I'm being completely honest, I find those statements infuriating.

    Statements that basically mean, "You're suffering right now, but, later, some really great things will come your way," are a way that I've noticed that people try to beautify suffering. They're a way to try to find a meaning where there (often times with mental health suffering) isn't a recognizable meaning other than the nature of mental illness itself with its waxing and waning symptoms. They're a way to "pretty up" the idea of suffering without actually having to do anything to try to ease the real life suffering because the prospect of a new path/new purpose/divinely-given rewards SHOULD be enough to pull someone through the suffering without anyone else expending effort. Statements like those I mentioned above are a pretty way to gloss over an "ugly" thing instead of acknowledging it and then manage it (if you can).

    It's SUFFERING. It isn't beautiful, poetic, or anything else like that. It's UNPLEASANT, so unpleasant in fact that it can be hard to see outside oneself to focus on anything but the mental suffering that often comes with a mental health condition.

    When I'm having a bad time with my mental health, I don't need someone to tell me that my suffering is going to translate into a new life purpose, a new life path, or more heavenly rewards in the future. When I'm actively suffering, I don't care about the future. I don't even care about a few hours later. I only care about making it hour by hour or minute by minute until the suffering is alleviated. I don't need pretty words, I need someone to say, "Okay. I know you're suffering right now. How can I help?"

    When someone is suffering as a result of their mental health condition, statements like the above aren't helpful in a whole other way. The suffering doesn't have some philosophical meaning for our lives...it just IS because our brain chemicals are out of balance. The suffering that comes with mental health conditions isn't a life-changing event, it's a (possibly) regularly recurring state of existence. Suffering as a result of mental health conditions doesn't really equate to a new life path or life purpose because of the the recurring nature. When that kind of suffering is alleviated, sometimes the grand purpose someone has is simply to get back to their loved ones, their job, and their life as it usually is, not to fix anyone else's or the world's problems (and that's okay).

    I'll end with this: So many people use statements that basically say, "You're suffering right now, but it'll be worth it in the end because you'll find a new path/purpose/divinely-given rewards" as a way to comfort someone that is suffering. The thing is that statements like that aren't actually comforting. Those statements just serve as a pseudo-explanation and a way to beautify and then gloss over the suffering. Suffering in any form isn't beautiful or poetic or a path to enlightenment, and we need to stop thinking of it that way, especially when it comes to mental health.