Person with a mental illness exists and has symptoms of their mental health condition. Then person with a mental illness meets someone, they fall in love, and suddenly, the mental illness disappears. Happily ever after happens and the mental illness is never mentioned again because love conquers all. I feel like we've all seen that trope in at least one movie or TV show.
Even in normal, non-Hollywood society, there is this expectation that, when a mentally ill person gets into a (healthy) romantic relationship and the two people fall in love, that the mental illness will suddenly just become better. The other person's love will magically "fix" them. Then if the mental illness is still present, people usually say the other person just doesn't love them enough or that the mentally ill person isn't trying hard enough to be "better".
I feel like I shouldn't still have to say this, but...you CAN'T love someone's mental illness away, whether it's an anxiety disorder, depression, a mood disorder, or a substance abuse issue. A mental health condition, like all other chronic health conditions, is a thing that exists outside of external factors or situations like a romantic relationship or a deep friendship. It exists as a result of internal factors. That means a person's mental health condition has nothing to do with their relationship status and everything to do with that person's brain chemicals (and possibly past traumatic experiences). Love is powerful and life-changing and great, but it can't fix a person's brain chemicals, and expecting love to be this cure-all especially when it comes to mental health is yet another facet of the mental health stigma (because this idea means we're still not taking mental health as seriously as we should be. I mean, nobody thinks they can love diabetes away...).
I also feel like I shouldn't still have to say this either but...if you're in a relationship with a person that has a mental health condition, it IS NOT your job to "fix" them (or even to stay with them at all, especially if they aren't getting help or are refusing help and/or medication). I know this one, in particular, is hard for a lot of people. It's the mentally ill person's job to work on themselves, to go to therapy and take their medications and change their lifestyle to a healthier one. No matter how much you love them and want them to be "better" you can't force them to do the things that will make them better. (You can definitely encourage them and support them, but you can't force them.) They need to be internally motivated to begin a wellness journey and keep it up for, you know, the rest of their lives.
A person can have the "perfect" life. You know...perfectly devoted and loving parents, did well in school, got their dream job in their dream location, found a soul mate, and all those great things that seem to (objectively) make a life "perfect", and they can still have a mental health condition and regularly experience symptoms of that condition anyway. It doesn't mean their partner doesn't love them enough. It doesn't mean that their partner isn't trying hard enough to "fix" them. It doesn't mean that their relationship isn't the "right" relationship. It doesn't mean that the mentally ill person isn't trying hard enough to be "better". It's just the nature of a mental health condition. Symptoms wax and wane independently of how great someone's life is and independently of how much other people love them. (Although stress can exacerbate a mental health condition.)
I'll end with this: Contrary to what pop culture and the mental health stigma wants us to believe, mental health conditions are serious health conditions. You can't cure someone's mental health condition simply by loving them. You can't love a mental health condition away, just like you can't pray it away. Also, if you're in a relationship with someone who lives with a mental health condition, it IS NOT your job to "fix" them. They're decision to begin and continue on a wellness journey needs to be internally motivated, not solely motivated by their partner or relationship status because it's a journey that should last a lifetime and not just while they have a partner.
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